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Briefcase! Gatorade!!

Fudged up against February 13, 2005.

“Fellow citizens, without solicitation on my part, I have been chosen by the free and voluntary suffrages of my countrymen to the most honorable and most responsible office on Earth. I am deeply impressed with gratitude for the confidence reposed in me. Honored with this distinguished consideration at an earlier period of life than any of my predecessors, I can not disguise the diffidence with which I am about to enter on the discharge of my official duties…”

I listened intently to James Knox Polk’s inaugural address, for the seventeenth time this week. It told me nothing about where the Troobles were. I wondered what he meant by his “responsible office.” I wondered if he were talking about the popsicle factory on Main Street in Rhode Island, or the lipstick production plant in Saugus, Michigan. I also wondered if Saugus was even in Michigan, or if it was in Oregon, or Guam. Where is my MP3 player, with the doughnuts and Alyssa Milano? Briefcase!!

Guam is a nice place to live. James Knox Polk said so in 1978.

I decided that existing among the stars, even using the quasars and pulsars, was useless; I would not find any Englebee Troobles there. Down to Earth I returned. Something smelled like a burning Pikachu as I reentered the world. Why did I have a box on my face? Gatorade!!!