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Pnårp’s docile & perfunctory page

Entries mentioning the United States

Formica and formication

Fornicated on October 6, 2024

By the bag, the can, the bottle, and the flask

Trashed on September 29, 2024

How does blue cheese go bad?

Reposed on September 1, 2024

Endless rows of houses

Planned and zoned on August 11, 2024

Musings on vinegar, vigor, and elephant bites

Murderized on August 4, 2024

Back into the mud from whence

Douched on June 30, 2024

Things are looking up

Uplit on June 16, 2024

Transfixed, perplexed, and duplexed

Eased on June 9, 2024

Cows, cowboys, cowgirls, and so much mooing

Milked on June 2, 2024

One moron’s opinion

Opined for May 19, 2024

Never put a fish in your car

Wrapped on May 12, 2024

A masterful mañana-man

Cunctated on May 5, 2024

So many questions

Trebled on April 21, 2024

The Sun absconded yet I rest assured

Annulated on April 14, 2024

An antelope with a pair of cantaloupes

Hight on April 7, 2024

The stench of failure

Stunk up on March 31, 2024

A vernally hibernal good time

Drove on March 24, 2024

There’s a joke in here somewhere

Pedicured on March 17, 2024

The case of the windy toilet

Manicured on March 10, 2024

Pig-headed and ham-fisted

Cleaved on March 3, 2024

Seven point three hundred

Paltered on February 25, 2024

Morning again?

Mourned on February 11, 2024

Angry monkey syndrome, a dishdirtier

Illustrated on February 4, 2024

Watering the water clocks

Watered on January 28, 2024

Shaken and stir crazy

Swept on January 21, 2024

The splaying of resplendent splendiferousness

Cobbled together on December 31, 2023

Do better

Retracted on November 26, 2023

An oversized capybara, a staccato cadence

Hobbled on October 22, 2023

A real nobody

Fettered on October 15, 2023

A week of weekdays and their horrors

Manacled on October 8, 2023

For want of a letterbox

Shackled on October 1, 2023

A bolo tie and a blogging accident

Haberdashed on September 24, 2023

The Aroostook Roo Store

Rued the day of September 17, 2023

By fish or by Finn

Finished after September 10, 2023

Corn gone bacon and eggs

Consterned on September 3, 2023

Negotiating a goats-for-oats deal

Abnegated on August 20, 2023

Playing a katydid like a fiddle

Diddled on August 6, 2023

Omental cakes and tires (or a blunch of underwear)

Portended on July 16, 2023

It doesn’t have to—but I always do

Needn’t on June 4, 2023

Crap! Crabapple! Crapapple!

Cursed on May 28, 2023

Being six feet tall

Fathomed on April 9, 2023

The unwary victim of cellular ennui

Metabolized on April 2, 2023

To be a featureless white worm

Gouged out on March 12, 2023

Landing head-first in March

Made it on March 5, 2023

Thinking for myself

Cerebrated on January 22, 2023

Feeling rather non-Euclidean

Knotted on January 8, 2023

I am my thoughts… I am time

Annuated on January 1, 2023

A real galleyshnogger of a Christmas

Dove in on December 25, 2022

We were bipedal murder chickens

Corned on December 11, 2022

Al Gore: A User’s Manual

Peered at on December 4, 2022

You are a crazy person

Maddened on November 20, 2022

Change you can be leaf in

Bogged down on November 13, 2022

With a ploot, ploot, ploot!

Born on November 6, 2022

A draught horse, serendipity, and a bankruptcy

Forstraught on October 30, 2022

I wish my spoons were stronger

Snooped on October 23, 2022

The deep toaster

Smeared on October 9, 2022

A veritable trash dump of words

Whipped on September 18, 2022

“If” is the middle word in “life”

Horrified on September 11, 2022

History looked at me this week

Transported on September 4, 2022

Pinguid penguins, disparate parrots, and a Studebaker

Basted on August 28, 2022

On any given day

Plotted and schemed on August 21, 2022

Catastrophes—but no anastrophe

Mishappened on August 14, 2022

Up to my ass in alligators

Endangered on August 7, 2022

Squirrels, squeeorling, syrup of squill, and squee

Cocked up on July 24, 2022

Gnocco after gnocco

Knocked on on July 10, 2022

The long, greasy road

Lubed up on July 3, 2022

Wernicke, Broca, and a two-week, drug-fueled bender

Refueled on June 19, 2022

Fleas, flies, and friars!

Peddled on June 12, 2022

Whittling the knittery

Quavered on May 8, 2022

Flogging the dinosaur

Flailed around on May 1, 2022

A wanted carton of wontons

Trotted out on April 10, 2022

A curious nine-day week

Dialed on April 3, 2022

Seven point two hundred

Committed on March 27, 2022

The stars screamed at me, but why?

Shredded on March 6, 2022

Interwoven threads of witless boobery

Spiked on February 20, 2022

Carpathian Carpentry Gnomes? In my kitchen?

Hammered on February 6, 2022

The door slammed in my face

Slammed on January 30, 2022

Confound delivery

Starched on January 16, 2022

Nothing happened

Obliviated on January 9, 2022

Vigorously shaking every Solanum dulcamara

Vigorously shook before December 19, 2021

An adventure in Dingleberry–Dumpsterism

Dumped and stirred on November 28, 2021

The Dingleberry–Hampsterist–Schmarnocks war

Embattled on November 21, 2021

A Halloween to surely forget

Spooked before November 7, 2021

A lesson in poor metrication

Found wanting on October 10, 2021

Losing weight at the lost-and-found

Bonked on September 19, 2021

The pink, sticky day ended

Chaptered and versed on September 12, 2021

Time to draw the bull

Ejaculated on August 1, 2021

My arm just follows them

Detached on July 11, 2021

An Independence Day to remember

In the pants on July 4, 2021

To narfle the gömböc

Balanced on June 27, 2021

Another day, another pig war

Splined on June 20, 2021

An infinite pie

Unbounded on June 6, 2021

A dire problem of diphthongs and diacritics

Ired on May 16, 2021

The Hanes–Heinz problem

Caught up on May 2, 2021

Something breakfasty and sausage-like

Baconated on April 25, 2021

A costly, costive dilemma

Clystered on April 4, 2021

An arpeggio for Snarpegon

Spatchcocked on March 28, 2021

Maybe it was the location

Tripped out on March 21, 2021

Mooey, mooey, moo!

Lowed at on December 9, 2012

Horses, drugs, and some Volvos

Revolved around December 2, 2012

A parable that should explain everything

Enchanted on November 18, 2012

Ungabungabugandabunga!

Land-locked on November 11, 2012

The geese were angry

Angered before November 4, 2012

Meals and utensils and straws, oh my!

Bluely rinsed on October 7, 2012

In my own back yard

Extirpated on September 30, 2012

A sojourn through the jejunum

Catabolized on September 9, 2012

The turtle herds of insomnia

NōDōz’d on August 12, 2012

And the neckties writhed

Spiraled around July 29, 2012

The ÅSS Goose from the Machine

Bageled on July 22, 2012

Planet of the geese

Honked at on July 15, 2012

I am the humperdumperdink!

Dumped and dinked on June 10, 2012

The green apple bee-bop

Hydrated on May 20, 2012

Vox clamantis in deserto

Cheddared on May 6, 2012

The death of Argo Navis

Trisected before April 29, 2012

A lunchable lemony apple key

Open-appled on April 22, 2012

A box! A box! A box of…

Puttered about on April 15, 2012

Surviving April Fools Day

Foxholed on April 1, 2012

Toad rental—cheap!

Rented on March 18, 2012

I was dead

Expired around February 26, 2012

Axons across beard-seconds of darkness

Stretched out February 19, 2012

A Ho-Mg-Zn icosahedral quasicrystal

Fractured on February 12, 2012

Seven point one hundred

Released on February 5, 2012

And then the cold cuts danced

Ronpauled on January 15, 2012

This entry is missing!

Misplaced before January 8, 2012

Dreams in a hole in the ground

Trespassed before January 1, 2012

A sleigh ride to the North Pole

Kringled on December 25, 2011

A journey to Upper Silesia

Gruelled on December 18, 2011

A sally to the Kremlin

Red squared on December 11, 2011

A jaunt to Washington, D.C.

Filibustered on December 4, 2011

A trip to southern Moravia

Plunged off a cliff on November 27, 2011

Goatburping and speechifying

Blustered about before November 20, 2011

Grunting and squeaking in the goatburping park

Soil sampled on November 13, 2011

Fimbriated armless and legless

Charged on October 30, 2011

A paean to panic

Glibbered about on September 25, 2011

Gnomes? In my photocopier?

Litigated before September 18, 2011

Ten years

Hijacked on September 11, 2011

The toadskin kazoo

Toads skinned on September 4, 2011

Just shaving the dog

Preened on July 31, 2011

Just so he could moo at someone

Percolated on July 3, 2011

The end of doodlewhacker pie

Bloomed on June 26, 2011

Moobly Sefernday!

Borndwiddied on June 19, 2011

What the heck… is bothering me?

Chanted on June 12, 2011

Potted meat

Unpotted on June 5, 2011

Reflecting on corn gone wrong

Paroled on May 15, 2011

Hnnnngggghhhh!

Strained on May 1, 2011

The tight, grimacing face

Impacted before April 17, 2011

Cool beans

Beaned on March 27, 2011

The hobnailery on Hobgoblin Street

Borfnagled on March 6, 2011

A dark and Strommy night

Thurmonned on February 27, 2011

A dark and spammy night

LARTed on February 20, 2011

A dark and stormy night

Stormdrained on February 6, 2011

Back to Pam & Meg’s

Goatmulched on December 12, 2010

An alabasterously magnificent find

Found before December 5, 2010

375 gorillas and some flower pots

Dumbstruck on November 28, 2010

Mr. Årp goes to city hall

Carpetbagged on November 14, 2010

Oatmeal cookies… behind it all!

Completely forgotten on November 7, 2010

A crater full of Volvos

Hidden in ice for centuries on October 31, 2010

The frozen Pnårp

Last thing I remembered on October 24, 2010

An offer he couldn’t refuse

Unmitigated on September 26, 2010

Parndiddle McForsterbaster

Pinned up on September 5, 2010

The disastrous ballad of Monica Lewinski’s feet

Shattered before August 15, 2010

Two stumblebums for Phillip Norbert Årp

Stumbled around on August 8, 2010

Boom! Boom, boom, boom!

Orbited on July 11, 2010

Noshing on my favorite keyboard

Fluttered on July 4, 2010

PNARP.SYS is an evil, vile thing

Disinfected on June 20, 2010

Psycho Chicken With Fingers On Top!

Squawked upon prior to June 13, 2010

Oh, the serendipity!

Squelched through on May 30, 2010

The fleeting nuances of Dingleberry–Hampsterism

Guzzled on May 9, 2010

Thousands of Eggmen against one little Pnårp

Destalinized on May 2, 2010

I had eggs today!

Oviposited on April 18, 2010

Ham by the brick

Mechanically extracted on March 28, 2010

Return from the Brundlebeyond

Disgorged on March 7, 2010

Reign across America

Wrought before April 6, 2008

A whole pile of flapdoodles from Shitlingthorpe

Recollected on February 17, 2008

Today is January 27

Punched on January 27, 2008

Gnomes? In my kettles?

Nonsensed at January 20, 2008

Lo’ Kweeisha

Pornographed on January 13, 2008

Aaaahhhh!!

Whiffled on November 25, 2007

The one true goddess!

Duffeled on November 18, 2007

Snuffle off to Buffalo

Sniffled at on November 4, 2007

Strahazazhia smiles upon me

Gone wrong on October 28, 2007

The deep blue face of failure

Done wrong on October 21, 2007

Pnårp’s in space

Station-kept on September 30, 2007

Why do the stars scream?

Screamed about on September 16, 2007

3,600 eigenserfs and a function key

Indentured forever after July 8, 2007

Press any key

Pressed on June 24, 2007

Ol’ Grummie’s back!

Bungled up on June 3, 2007

The laws of Phillip I: Last decree

Decreed on April 15, 2007

The laws of Phillip I

Promulgated on March 25, 2007

131,072 Schmongeloid conscripts

Decimated on March 4, 2007

Digging up the back yard

Cashed in on February 18, 2007

Alyssa Milano lives!

Jury-rigged on February 4, 2007

Alyssa Milano v. Phillip Norbert Årp

Entrenched under January 28, 2007

Suing Alyssa Milano

Bombarded after January 14, 2007

The Spend-O-Mart on Crunkner Boulevard

Drenched in sweat on December 17, 2006

Bloviating and brachiating

Wrenched away from me on December 3, 2006

Loquisha, you hornswoggler!

Added to taste on October 29, 2006

Gnomelandia Day

Filleted on October 15, 2006

As kudzu crept up her ankles

Encircled on August 13, 2006

A disastrous pie-eating contest

Drawn and quartered on July 16, 2006

I thought this was better!?

Harvested before May 28, 2006

368,000 firecrackers and a butcher shop

Tarpapered over on January 1, 2006

Today being Christmas…

Made merry on December 25, 2005

Thaddeus C.L. Harshbarger, the haberdasher

Belted out on December 4, 2005

Incipient garden gnomes pouring down

Shined & enshrined on June 19, 2005

Into the midst of a gorilla and yak pack

Made in Taiwan, R.O.C., before May 15, 2005

The Trooble Foundation

Irked on April 17, 2005

I was mad

Optimized for April 3, 2005

Samuel Dreckers

Carbonized prior to March 6, 2005

Contemplating the Spice Girls

Best if sold by February 27, 2005

Briefcase! Gatorade!!

Fudged up against February 13, 2005

I had failed

Hidden above my bed on October 17, 1999

I forgot about Hitler

Plundered shortly after October 3, 1999

A brass knob had fallen on my head

Belched out on September 26, 1999

The Countess-Prelate von Sträsmussenbörg

Bleeped out for September 19, 1999

I love AOL

Placated since August 1, 1999

I found a scrap of paper in my pocket

Rebutted on May 23, 1999

Dangerous evidence kept cropping up

Regurgitated prior to May 16, 1999

Semper sic tyrannis

Calculated and compiled on May 2, 1999