Hello, and welcome to my page! I’m Phillip Norbert Årp, or as everyone has been yelling at me for the past 25 years, Pnårp!
“What’s this page all about?” you ask? Well, ask… and I shall tell you something or other. This time, I shall thusly tell you this: Every Sunday since March 7, 1999—if I actually remember that it’s Sunday when Sunday finally rolls around and rears its baleful, pestilential head—I sit down in front of the ol’ computer, pick up the ol’ board of keys, and bang out a few paragraphs describing what likely happened in my life over the past week. Sometimes interesting, sometimes merely confusing, sometimes skull-crushingly boring—but updated weekly nonetheless! And it’s 100% A.I.-free! But always filled with the wheedling, needling chatter of trillions upon trillions of lawn gnomes. Oh yes, always… always, always…
That’s right, dearies—every week promises to bring a new steaming pile of words squeezed out by yours truly and deposited carefully on this here website. Isn’t that wonderful?!
“So, it’s one of those blog things,” you say? And I reply: “…Blbphplplhlbhuhh??”
Where else can you find Pnårp on the unfurled-wide web? Why, everywhere. Pnårp is
tooting on Mastodon,
dreaming widely at Dreamwidth,
being a twit on Twitter,
livin’ it up on LiveJournal,
bloviating and gesticulating at something called Facebook,
and wandering about aimlessly at a bunch of other websites, too.
Pnårp even has a page on Facebook now, too!
It’s phlogistically fantastical!
I also have lots of friends & enemies on the hurled-aside web. Check ’em out, too—before the squirrels get them! I even have humans.txt and security.txt files now, for you humans to read. (If you’re a gnome, get out! Out, out, out!)
If you like my docile & perfunctory page or if you’d like a complimentary keyboard cover and set of fine pewter sporks autographed by Rory Calhoun and Alyssa Milano, please contact me and tell me. [No purchase estuary. Lawn gnomes not included. You won’t be disconcerted. Deployed where prohibited by snore. Made from 35% recycled toilet paper. May contain tree nuts or actual trees.]
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Fornicated on October 6 |
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Trashed on September 29 |
Exfiltrated on September 22 |
Moofed at on September 15 |
Tinned on September 8 |
Reposed on September 1 |
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Nuzzled on August 25 |
Feathered on August 18 |
Planned and zoned on August 11 |
Murderized on August 4 |
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Certified on July 28 |
Commanded on July 21 |
Declared on July 14 |
Questioned on July 7 |
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Douched on June 30 |
Feted on June 23 |
Uplit on June 16 |
Eased on June 9 |
Milked on June 2 |
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Blockaded on May 26 |
Opined for May 19 |
Wrapped on May 12 |
Cunctated on May 5 |
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Stunk down on April 28 |
Trebled on April 21 |
Annulated on April 14 |
Hight on April 7 |
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Stunk up on March 31 |
Drove on March 24 |
Pedicured on March 17 |
Manicured on March 10 |
Cleaved on March 3 |
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Paltered on February 25 |
Porked on February 18 |
Mourned on February 11 |
Illustrated on February 4 |
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Watered on January 28 |
Swept on January 21 |
Computed on January 14 |
Canned on January 7 |
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Cobbled together on December 31 |
Whitened on December 24 |
Conjoined on December 17 |
Nibbled on December 10 |
Piled up upon December 3 |
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Retracted on November 26 |
Sefernalized on November 19 |
Bushwhacked on November 12 |
Emulsified on November 5 |
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Trussed up on October 29 |
Hobbled on October 22 |
Fettered on October 15 |
Manacled on October 8 |
Shackled on October 1 |
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Haberdashed on September 24 |
Rued the day of September 17 |
Finished after September 10 |
Consterned on September 3 |
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Jactitated on August 27 |
Abnegated on August 20 |
Bellyached on August 13 |
Diddled on August 6 |
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Conjugated on July 30 |
Spun on July 23 |
Portended on July 16 |
Bugged off on July 9 |
Been on July 2 |
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Reversed on June 25 |
Kennedy-fried on June 18 |
Snorkeled on June 11 |
Needn’t on June 4 |
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Cursed on May 28 |
Sworn on May 21 |
Surprised on May 14 |
Expiscated on May 7 |
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Pumped and dumped on April 30 |
Resisted on April 23 |
Racked on April 16 |
Fathomed on April 9 |
Metabolized on April 2 |
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Dismantled on March 26 |
Endorsed on March 19 |
Gouged out on March 12 |
Made it on March 5 |
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Lashed on February 26 |
Disassembled on February 19 |
Revised for February 12 |
Stacked like cordwood on February 5 |
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Fastened on January 29 |
Cerebrated on January 22 |
Surpassed on January 15 |
Knotted on January 8 |
Annuated on January 1 |
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Dove in on December 25 |
Bottomed out on December 18 |
Corned on December 11 |
Peered at on December 4 |
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Thanks given on November 27 |
Maddened on November 20 |
Bogged down on November 13 |
Born on November 6 |
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Forstraught on October 30 |
Snooped on October 23 |
Floundered on October 16 |
Smeared on October 9 |
Smelt on October 2 |
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Creamed on September 25 |
Whipped on September 18 |
Horrified on September 11 |
Transported on September 4 |
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Basted on August 28 |
Plotted and schemed on August 21 |
Mishappened on August 14 |
Endangered on August 7 |
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Misaligned on July 31 |
Cocked up on July 24 |
Knocked up on July 17 |
Knocked on on July 10 |
Lubed up on July 3 |
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Stacked high on June 26 |
Refueled on June 19 |
Peddled on June 12 |
Wriggled on June 5 |
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Hemidemisemiquavered on May 29 |
Demisemiquavered on May 22 |
Semiquavered on May 15 |
Quavered on May 8 |
Flailed around on May 1 |
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Trolloped around on April 24 |
Galloped about on April 17 |
Trotted out on April 10 |
Dialed on April 3 |
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Committed on March 27 |
Easily understood on March 20 |
Redpilled on March 13 |
Shredded on March 6 |
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Cannibalized on February 27 |
Spiked on February 20 |
Erred on February 13 |
Hammered on February 6 |
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Slammed on January 30 |
Ripened on January 23 |
Starched on January 16 |
Obliviated on January 9 |
Bunted on January 2 |
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Collected before December 26 |
Vigorously shook before December 19 |
Shook before December 12 |
Shouted at before December 5 |
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Dumped and stirred on November 28 |
Embattled on November 21 |
Recycled on November 14 |
Spooked before November 7 |
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Muffled up on October 31 |
Obſerved on October 24 |
Planted on October 17 |
Found wanting on October 10 |
Frowned at on October 3 |
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Unfolded on September 26 |
Bonked on September 19 |
Chaptered and versed on September 12 |
Fluoresced on September 5 |
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Intruded upon August 29 |
Nosedove before August 22 |
Squeeorled on August 15 |
Squirreled on August 8 |
Ejaculated on August 1 |
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Tabulated on July 25 |
Phished on July 18 |
Detached on July 11 |
In the pants on July 4 |
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Balanced on June 27 |
Splined on June 20 |
Divided by zero on June 13 |
Unbounded on June 6 |
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Quintupled on May 30 |
Deigned on May 23 |
Ired on May 16 |
Discalceated on May 9 |
Caught up on May 2 |
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Baconated on April 25 |
Bored on April 18 |
Detruded on April 11 |
Clystered on April 4 |
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Spatchcocked on March 28 |
Tripped out on March 21 |
Toiled away on March 14 |
Bubbled and squeaked on March 7 |
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Goat got on December 30 |
Escheated before December 23 |
Prognosticated after December 16 |
Lowed at on December 9 |
Revolved around December 2 |
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Funneled on November 25 |
Enchanted on November 18 |
Land-locked on November 11 |
Angered before November 4 |
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Lollygagged on October 28 |
Bumped and logged on October 21 |
Tanned on October 14 |
Bluely rinsed on October 7 |
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Extirpated on September 30 |
Emboweled on September 23 |
Chillin’ on September 16 |
Catabolized on September 9 |
Elided on September 2 |
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Vermiculated on August 26 |
Blown right past August 19 |
NōDōz’d on August 12 |
Flabbled about on August 5 |
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Spiraled around July 29 |
Bageled on July 22 |
Honked at on July 15 |
Dubstepped on July 8 |
Hortensed on July 1 |
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Rocketed on June 24 |
Humped and dumped on June 17 |
Dumped and dinked on June 10 |
Considered for June 3 |
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Detonated on May 27 |
Hydrated on May 20 |
Horsed around on May 13 |
Cheddared on May 6 |
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Trisected before April 29 |
Open-appled on April 22 |
Puttered about on April 15 |
Faces made before April 8 |
Foxholed on April 1 |
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Caffeinated on March 25 |
Rented on March 18 |
Rotted around March 11 |
Putresced around March 4 |
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Expired around February 26 |
Stretched out February 19 |
Fractured on February 12 |
Released on February 5 |
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Converging on January 29 |
Diverging from January 22 |
Ronpauled on January 15 |
Misplaced before January 8 |
Trespassed before January 1 |
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Kringled on December 25 |
Gruelled on December 18 |
Red squared on December 11 |
Filibustered on December 4 |
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Plunged off a cliff on November 27 |
Blustered about before November 20 |
Soil sampled on November 13 |
Frightened on November 6 |
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Charged on October 30 |
Ducked on October 23 |
Stumped on October 16 |
Snoozed on October 9 |
Imbibed before October 2 |
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Glibbered about on September 25 |
Litigated before September 18 |
Hijacked on September 11 |
Toads skinned on September 4 |
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Nothing happened on August 28 |
Bordured on August 21 |
Marred on August 14 |
Gibbered about on August 7 |
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Preened on July 31 |
Squassated on July 24 |
Repositioned on July 17 |
Whiled away before July 10 |
Percolated on July 3 |
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Bloomed on June 26 |
Borndwiddied on June 19 |
Chanted on June 12 |
Unpotted on June 5 |
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Babbled about on May 29 |
Lubricated on May 22 |
Paroled on May 15 |
Smothered on May 8 |
Strained on May 1 |
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Splashed down on April 24 |
Impacted before April 17 |
Potted on April 10 |
Electrified on April 3 |
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Beaned on March 27 |
Caligulated on March 20 |
Crossing Pnårp Road on March 13 |
Borfnagled on March 6 |
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Thurmonned on February 27 |
LARTed on February 20 |
Self-satisfied on February 13 |
Stormdrained on February 6 |
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Immured on January 30 |
Transplanted before January 23 |
Transubstantiated before January 16 |
Diagnosed on January 9 |
Stickied on January 2 |
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Clamored about on December 26 |
Feet worshipped on December 19 |
Goatmulched on December 12 |
Found before December 5 |
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Dumbstruck on November 28 |
Slathered all over on November 21 |
Carpetbagged on November 14 |
Completely forgotten on November 7 |
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Hidden in ice for centuries on October 31 |
Last thing I remembered on October 24 |
Discharged on October 17 |
Atrophied before October 10 |
Flatulated on October 3 |
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Unmitigated on September 26 |
Perchanced upon on September 19 |
Slid past on September 12 |
Pinned up on September 5 |
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Dumbled for August 29 |
Clapped on… clapped off on August 22 |
Shattered before August 15 |
Stumbled around on August 8 |
Firstly on August 1 |
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Tentacle-raped on July 25 |
Urinated on on July 18 |
Orbited on July 11 |
Fluttered on July 4 |
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Nuked on June 27 |
Disinfected on June 20 |
Squawked upon prior to June 13 |
Envisaged on June 6 |
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Squelched through on May 30 |
Panicked over on May 23 |
Irrumated on May 16 |
Guzzled on May 9 |
Destalinized on May 2 |
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Cracked open on April 25 |
Oviposited on April 18 |
Executed before April 11 |
Hatched right before April 4 |
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Mechanically extracted on March 28 |
Plotted against on March 21 |
Guffawed at after March 14 |
Disgorged on March 7 |
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Spooned on August 10 |
Descended upon on August 3 |
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Crossed over on July 27 |
Entangled on July 20 |
Integrated on July 13 |
Derived on July 6 |
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Reified on June 29 |
Pasteurized for June 22 |
Cocked and blocked on June 15 |
Eulogized on June 8 |
Cocked and locked on June 1 |
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Rung above on May 25 |
Gassed up on May 18 |
Quackenbushed on May 11 |
Guppied on May 4 |
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Sweetened on April 27 |
Hepped up on April 20 |
Rained down on April 13 |
Wrought before April 6 |
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Snickerdickered on March 30 |
Unchained after March 23 |
Immolated on March 16 |
Ignited on March 9 |
Recomposed right before March 2 |
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Decomposed after February 24 |
Recollected on February 17 |
Avenged on February 10 |
Whizgiggled at on February 3 |
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Punched on January 27 |
Nonsensed at January 20 |
Pornographed on January 13 |
Thawed on January 6 |
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Deceased on December 30 |
Frostbit on December 23 |
Holed up on December 16 |
Decompressed on December 9 |
Self-addressed and stamped on December 2 |
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Whiffled on November 25 |
Duffeled on November 18 |
Scuffled with on November 11 |
Sniffled at on November 4 |
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Gone wrong on October 28 |
Done wrong on October 21 |
Danced with on October 14 |
Diseased prior to October 7 |
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Station-kept on September 30 |
Floated by on September 23 |
Screamed about on September 16 |
Delved under on September 9 |
Simmered on September 2 |
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Returned home on August 26 |
Tiled over on August 19 |
Livingroomed on August 12 |
Sent home on August 5 |
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Lopped off on July 29 |
Popped up on July 22 |
Plopped down on July 15 |
Indentured forever after July 8 |
Lost before July 1 |
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Pressed on June 24 |
Enslaved on June 17 |
Ingratiated on June 10 |
Bungled up on June 3 |
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Ravished on May 27 |
Magic-marked on May 20 |
Peppered lightly with May 13 |
Hieroticalized on May 6 |
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Splayed on April 29 |
Lamented on April 22 |
Decreed on April 15 |
Legislated on April 8 |
Propagated on April 1 |
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Promulgated on March 25 |
Excoriated before March 18 |
Anniversed four days before March 11 |
Decimated on March 4 |
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Vanquished on February 25 |
Cashed in on February 18 |
Devoted on February 11 |
Jury-rigged on February 4 |
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Entrenched under January 28 |
Machine-gunned on January 21 |
Bombarded after January 14 |
Strafed on January 7 |
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Auld acquaintances forgotten on December 31 |
Prostituted on December 24 |
Drenched in sweat on December 17 |
Whored out on December 10 |
Wrenched away from me on December 3 |
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Rigorously proved for November 26 |
Posited because of November 19 |
Theorized about on November 12 |
Hypothesized on November 5 |
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Added to taste on October 29 |
Stir-fried for October 22 |
Filleted on October 15 |
Chopped lightly on October 8 |
Puréed on October 1 |
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Chopped with a stick on September 24 |
Sporked with some tongs on September 17 |
Knifed with a spoon on September 10 |
Stabbed with a fork on September 3 |
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Toddled about on August 27 |
Goosed before August 20 |
Encircled on August 13 |
Wined & dined on August 6 |
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Navigated to on July 30 |
Tortured on July 23 |
Drawn and quartered on July 16 |
Gambled over on July 9 |
Appeased prior to July 2 |
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Located to the right of June 25 |
Positioned left of June 18 |
Molested on June 11 |
Erected on June 4 |
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Harvested before May 28 |
Weeded on May 21 |
Hollered well before May 14 |
Surveilled pursuant to May 7 |
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Sung for April 30 |
Wheeled about on April 23 |
Transubstantiated on April 16 |
Connived on April 9 |
Nazified on April 2 |
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Wanted on March 26 |
Haunted on March 19 |
Flaunted on March 12 |
Taunted on March 5 |
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Hammed up for February 26 |
Telephoned on February 19 |
Made peace with on February 12 |
Interrupted before February 5 |
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Put out on January 29 |
Placed next to January 22 |
Copulated after January 15 |
Schmongeled under January 8 |
Tarpapered over on January 1 |
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Made merry on December 25 |
Excreted slightly before December 18 |
Zanzibarred on December 11 |
Belted out on December 4 |
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Cornpuffed for November 27 |
Incinerated on November 20 |
Brewed on November 13 |
Emigrated on November 6 |
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Bandied about on October 30 |
Ridiculed on October 23 |
Noodled on October 16 |
Gingerbreaded on October 9 |
Hobnobbed on October 2 |
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Star-spangled high above September 25 |
Cordoned off on September 18 |
Slobbered all over on September 11 |
Prevaricated on September 4 |
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Trundled on August 28 |
Spindled on August 21 |
Best if used by August 14 |
Deluged on August 7 |
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Castigated on July 31 |
Wienerschnitzeled on July 24 |
Beautified on July 17 |
Bowdlerized on July 10 |
Fetishized on July 3 |
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Engulfed on June 26 |
Shined & enshrined on June 19 |
Incarcerated on June 12 |
Laughed about within June 5 |
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Played footsie with on May 29 |
Given to charity prior to May 22 |
Made in Taiwan, R.O.C., before May 15 |
Redistributed after May 8 |
Masticated on May 1 |
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Cosigned on April 24 |
Irked on April 17 |
Popularized for April 10 |
Optimized for April 3 |
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Quibbled about on March 27 |
Squabbled about on March 20 |
Crucified for March 13 |
Carbonized prior to March 6 |
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Best if sold by February 27 |
Reeducated on February 20 |
Fudged up against February 13 |
Bamboozled on February 6 |
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Inoculated on January 30 |
Expurgated on January 23 |
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Vindicated and tabulated on November 7 |
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Squandered because of October 31 |
Suspended from October 24 |
Hidden above my bed on October 17 |
Hidden under my bed on October 10 |
Plundered shortly after October 3 |
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Belched out on September 26 |
Bleeped out for September 19 |
Remixed before September 12 |
Reticulated and sun-dried on September 5 |
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Given to my daughter on August 29 |
Fondled on August 22 |
Reinstated on August 15 |
Pondered upon August 8 |
Placated since August 1 |
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Encapsulated within July 25 |
Nitrated on July 18 |
Abolished after July 11 |
Complicated because of July 4 |
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Repatriated on June 27 |
Romanticized for June 20 |
Reintegrated on June 13 |
Refracted after June 6 |
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Intubated on May 30 |
Rebutted on May 23 |
Regurgitated prior to May 16 |
Apprenticed to May 9 |
Calculated and compiled on May 2 |
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Drawn up for April 25 |
Cemented on April 18 |
Hydrogenated for April 11 |
Splattered on April 4 |
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Posted for March 28 |
Dissipated before March 21 |
Electrolyzed for March 14 |
Conduced on March 7 |