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eBGIQ7ZuuiU or bust

Gassed up on May 18, 2008.

Late Monday afternoon, I happened upon the eBGIQ7ZuuiU website again, entirely by chance. Becoming enraged, frothing at the mouth, I rampaged around my cubbyhole like a bull dyke in a china shop, smashing everything in site. Why did everything lead me back to the eBGIQ7ZuuiU website? Why, why, why!? Smash! Smash and crash! Destroy them, destroy them all! eBGIQ7ZuuiU is everywhere! Everyone keeps tricking me into going to eBGIQ7ZuuiU! Smash, crash, and splash! I threw my computer into my bathtub.

It stopped working.

On Tuesday, I took a trip down to the computering store in order to acquire a new computer, by deception or force if need be. My car having run out of gas sixteen miles from home last week, I had to hijack a bus in order to get there. What with gasoline costing nearly twice as much as a two-dollar whore, what choice did I have? I dove in—straight in.

On the way home, dainty new computer in hand, I decided to stop by Loquisha’s place and see how she was doing with her video business. When I got there, she smiled and asked me to “give it” to her—but it would cost me. What with this costing less than half a gallon of gasoline, what choice did I have? I dove in—straight in.

Woo-hoo-hey! This was fun!

This would be bigger than when Rudolf Slánský took that trip to southern Moravia!

This would be bigger than if Sicily decided to hold their famed rat-fighting contests again!

This was even better than having a cardboard cutout of Alyssa Milano to “give it” to!

Woo-hoo-hey! Pwee, pwee, pwaaay!

No one expects the wargs! No one!

I dove in deeper, then came up for air…

…then dove in again, breaking only to insert another <p> tag where needed…

…then came up for air again…

…before she nearly suffocated me under her ponderously large bubble butt.

That was fun! Again!!

At yoda o’clock on Wednesday, Ravna came by to see me so she could punch me in the face. I was shocked and appalled, but took it in stride, nonplussed and bemused. At half past yoda, I paid a visit to Loquisha again with the intention of punching her in the face (or hitting her somewhere else, with something else of mine!), but instead, she slapped me on the nose before I got the chance. Even more shocked and appalled, still unimpressedly nonplussed, and further bemusedly amused, I nonchalantly sauntered over to Mr. Wilson’s house, busted his door down, and walloped him over the head with my roof-mounted AK-47. I then burgled all his potted plants, quite plussed now, left my calling card—an unflushed toilet—and wandered home.