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Searching forever for the elusive Troobles

Squandered because of October 31, 1999.

Confused…?! I did almost die. But Lycos still loves me. I only lived because an accountant was passing by my house, with his friend, a statistician, and they wrestled the pi off me, and killed it. They sent it to Mardis Gras. I thanked the two, cleaned the blood off of my clothes with the help of a fish which I had hidden in my throat, then said goodbye to the sun, and went away.

Farewell. Farewell, today is Halloween, farewell!! Farewell, my world! For I am leaving!! I am going to the stars, searching forever for the elusive Troobles—the Englebee Troobles!! Oh, how I have longed to find them and speak with them and ask them what they know of Fermat’s Last Theorem, and cabbages and kings! And how the music died! And why a cat takes a shit on my head every morning! And who really shot JFK! And why floating pis try to kill me! And why Mr. Wilson is still alive, but decomposing as if he died months ago! And if I really am the Archduke of Austria! And if there really is a Santa Clause! And more, so much more!!!

So many questions!! So little time!! I must go now and seek out these Englebee Troobles and stop the stars from screaming at me so loudly. They call to me; I must go!!! Farewell, my planet Earth!!!