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Pnårp’s docile & perfunctory page

Entries mentioning death

One moron’s opinion

Opined for May 19, 2024

Never put a fish in your car

Wrapped on May 12, 2024

A masterful mañana-man

Cunctated on May 5, 2024

Nose, the best smelling device

Stunk down on April 28, 2024

So many questions

Trebled on April 21, 2024

The Sun absconded yet I rest assured

Annulated on April 14, 2024

An antelope with a pair of cantaloupes

Hight on April 7, 2024

The stench of failure

Stunk up on March 31, 2024

A vernally hibernal good time

Drove on March 24, 2024

There’s a joke in here somewhere

Pedicured on March 17, 2024

The case of the windy toilet

Manicured on March 10, 2024

Pig-headed and ham-fisted

Cleaved on March 3, 2024

Seven point three hundred

Paltered on February 25, 2024

Pigs fly just fine

Porked on February 18, 2024

Angry monkey syndrome, a dishdirtier

Illustrated on February 4, 2024

Watering the water clocks

Watered on January 28, 2024

My life as a computer

Computed on January 14, 2024

The tapering of taped cans and candies

Canned on January 7, 2024

The splaying of resplendent splendiferousness

Cobbled together on December 31, 2023

Invidy, diaeretics, and Eëtal-Otoh-Satt!

Conjoined on December 17, 2023

A byte nybbled a word, and then…

Nibbled on December 10, 2023

Snow crabs and snow leopards

Piled up upon December 3, 2023

A Sefernday to surely forget

Sefernalized on November 19, 2023

A quacking bush

Bushwhacked on November 12, 2023

Musings on the salad of chicken and eggs

Emulsified on November 5, 2023

Mulberries, mulbiaries, mubbleducks, and mubbliaries

Trussed up on October 29, 2023

An oversized capybara, a staccato cadence

Hobbled on October 22, 2023

A real nobody

Fettered on October 15, 2023

A week of weekdays and their horrors

Manacled on October 8, 2023

A bolo tie and a blogging accident

Haberdashed on September 24, 2023

By fish or by Finn

Finished after September 10, 2023

Corn gone bacon and eggs

Consterned on September 3, 2023

Cwæþ the Pnårp

Jactitated on August 27, 2023

Negotiating a goats-for-oats deal

Abnegated on August 20, 2023

Dugongs, bleating, and a meowing Nurdlebutt

Bellyached on August 13, 2023

Playing a katydid like a fiddle

Diddled on August 6, 2023

Rejecting both Church Latin and the Ciceronian

Conjugated on July 30, 2023

A fresh set of gnome latrines

Spun on July 23, 2023

Ratiocination and a rat

Bugged off on July 9, 2023

Dogs that ate backwards

Reversed on June 25, 2023

Gearless largesse and rageless eelgrass

Snorkeled on June 11, 2023

It doesn’t have to—but I always do

Needn’t on June 4, 2023

Crap! Crabapple! Crapapple!

Cursed on May 28, 2023

Crap! Carp! Scrap! Scarp!

Sworn on May 21, 2023

A turtle extended its neck and quacked

Resisted on April 23, 2023

Being a little bit taller

Racked on April 16, 2023

Being six feet tall

Fathomed on April 9, 2023

The unwary victim of cellular ennui

Metabolized on April 2, 2023

Cities of obsidian in the Canadian Shield

Dismantled on March 26, 2023

The day ended before it began

Endorsed on March 19, 2023

To be a featureless white worm

Gouged out on March 12, 2023

Landing head-first in March

Made it on March 5, 2023

To catch a fly

Lashed on February 26, 2023

My spaghetti trees had all flowered

Disassembled on February 19, 2023

And the rest was history

Revised for February 12, 2023

The house that Pnårp built

Stacked like cordwood on February 5, 2023

A mystery of hasps and coat hangers

Fastened on January 29, 2023

Thinking for myself

Cerebrated on January 22, 2023

No more barriers to cross

Surpassed on January 15, 2023

I am my thoughts… I am time

Annuated on January 1, 2023

A real galleyshnogger of a Christmas

Dove in on December 25, 2022

Toppings on the bottom?

Bottomed out on December 18, 2022

We were bipedal murder chickens

Corned on December 11, 2022

Al Gore: A User’s Manual

Peered at on December 4, 2022

Thanksgiving with the McBorbleys

Thanks given on November 27, 2022

You are a crazy person

Maddened on November 20, 2022

Change you can be leaf in

Bogged down on November 13, 2022

With a ploot, ploot, ploot!

Born on November 6, 2022

A draught horse, serendipity, and a bankruptcy

Forstraught on October 30, 2022

I wish my spoons were stronger

Snooped on October 23, 2022

Autumn had arrived

Floundered on October 16, 2022

The deep toaster

Smeared on October 9, 2022

And then the flies danced

Smelt on October 2, 2022

Yet still bereft of meaning

Creamed on September 25, 2022

“If” is the middle word in “life”

Horrified on September 11, 2022

History looked at me this week

Transported on September 4, 2022

Pinguid penguins, disparate parrots, and a Studebaker

Basted on August 28, 2022

On any given day

Plotted and schemed on August 21, 2022

Catastrophes—but no anastrophe

Mishappened on August 14, 2022

Up to my ass in alligators

Endangered on August 7, 2022

Tuck in flap to close

Knocked up on July 17, 2022

Gnocco after gnocco

Knocked on on July 10, 2022

Wernicke, Broca, and a two-week, drug-fueled bender

Refueled on June 19, 2022

Fleas, flies, and friars!

Peddled on June 12, 2022

A squiddy meal, a goosey girl, and moles of gnomes

Wriggled on June 5, 2022

Dogging the Balphonse

Hemidemisemiquavered on May 29, 2022

Batting the package

Semiquavered on May 15, 2022

Whittling the knittery

Quavered on May 8, 2022

A stubby little short week

Trolloped around on April 24, 2022

An exaggeratedly long week

Galloped about on April 17, 2022

A wanted carton of wontons

Trotted out on April 10, 2022

A curious nine-day week

Dialed on April 3, 2022

Seven point two hundred

Committed on March 27, 2022

The twentieth best day of my life

Easily understood on March 20, 2022

A hilarious pair of ducks

Redpilled on March 13, 2022

The stars screamed at me, but why?

Shredded on March 6, 2022

Carpathian Carpentry Gnomes? In my kitchen?

Hammered on February 6, 2022

The door slammed in my face

Slammed on January 30, 2022

Hard avocados and soft stones

Ripened on January 23, 2022

Confound delivery

Starched on January 16, 2022

Nothing happened

Obliviated on January 9, 2022

New years and new neighbors

Bunted on January 2, 2022

Collecting the caps from every bottle of light cream

Collected before December 26, 2021

Vigorously shaking every Solanum dulcamara

Vigorously shook before December 19, 2021

Vigorously shaking every ficus tree

Shook before December 12, 2021

Shouting at every houseplant

Shouted at before December 5, 2021

An adventure in Dingleberry–Dumpsterism

Dumped and stirred on November 28, 2021

The Dingleberry–Hampsterist–Schmarnocks war

Embattled on November 21, 2021

A Halloween to surely forget

Spooked before November 7, 2021

To muffle up a gooſe

Muffled up on October 31, 2021

A Sefernday to ſurely remember

Obſerved on October 24, 2021

Plantago delenda est

Planted on October 17, 2021

Dugong, budong, hotdog, and hoe

Frowned at on October 3, 2021

Losing weight at the lost-and-found

Bonked on September 19, 2021

The pink, sticky day ended

Chaptered and versed on September 12, 2021

And then I’ll fart one more time, and…

Intruded upon August 29, 2021

To not be a six-foot-tall man–squirrel

Squeeorled on August 15, 2021

Today I was being a…

Squirreled on August 8, 2021

Time to draw the bull

Ejaculated on August 1, 2021

Not a typewriter

Tabulated on July 25, 2021

Fish upon the land

Phished on July 18, 2021

My arm just follows them

Detached on July 11, 2021

An Independence Day to remember

In the pants on July 4, 2021

To narfle the gömböc

Balanced on June 27, 2021

Another day, another pig war

Splined on June 20, 2021

José Vargas de las Joyas Matemáticas

Divided by zero on June 13, 2021

An infinite pie

Unbounded on June 6, 2021

Great Dane or greatest Dane?

Deigned on May 23, 2021

A dire problem of diphthongs and diacritics

Ired on May 16, 2021

200,000 flip-flop–related injuries

Discalceated on May 9, 2021

The Hanes–Heinz problem

Caught up on May 2, 2021

Something breakfasty and sausage-like

Baconated on April 25, 2021

Keeping those goats down in the hole

Bored on April 18, 2021

A costly, costive dilemma

Clystered on April 4, 2021

An arpeggio for Snarpegon

Spatchcocked on March 28, 2021

Maybe it was the location

Tripped out on March 21, 2021

Toiling away smoilishly

Toiled away on March 14, 2021

With a bubble and a squeak…

Bubbled and squeaked on March 7, 2021

Christmas, goats, and the fiscal cliff

Goat got on December 30, 2012

This coming Friday…

Prognosticated after December 16, 2012

Mooey, mooey, moo!

Lowed at on December 9, 2012

A parable that should explain everything

Enchanted on November 18, 2012

Ungabungabugandabunga!

Land-locked on November 11, 2012

The geese were angry

Angered before November 4, 2012

Ziti—with lines, please

Lollygagged on October 28, 2012

The nauga war

Tanned on October 14, 2012

In my own back yard

Extirpated on September 30, 2012

Livin’ large in the large intestine

Emboweled on September 23, 2012

Illin’ in the ileum

Chillin’ on September 16, 2012

A sojourn through the jejunum

Catabolized on September 9, 2012

My competitive worm charming days

Vermiculated on August 26, 2012

Upon the Fimbriated Planet

Flabbled about on August 5, 2012

And the neckties writhed

Spiraled around July 29, 2012

The ÅSS Goose from the Machine

Bageled on July 22, 2012

Planet of the geese

Honked at on July 15, 2012

Here I froze and here I died

Dubstepped on July 8, 2012

A hortensical Sefernday

Hortensed on July 1, 2012

Fungous hitchhikers from outer space

Rocketed on June 24, 2012

The Bagel Nebula, you stinky monkeys!

Humped and dumped on June 17, 2012

I am the humperdumperdink!

Dumped and dinked on June 10, 2012

My skin was thinking

Considered for June 3, 2012

Hoarsely the Pnårp sang

Horsed around on May 13, 2012

Vox clamantis in deserto

Cheddared on May 6, 2012

The death of Argo Navis

Trisected before April 29, 2012

A lunchable lemony apple key

Open-appled on April 22, 2012

A box! A box! A box of…

Puttered about on April 15, 2012

Gurning for two

Faces made before April 8, 2012

Surviving April Fools Day

Foxholed on April 1, 2012

To order a coffee

Caffeinated on March 25, 2012

Toad rental—cheap!

Rented on March 18, 2012

Yup, still dead…

Rotted around March 11, 2012

I was still dead…

Putresced around March 4, 2012

I was dead

Expired around February 26, 2012

Axons across beard-seconds of darkness

Stretched out February 19, 2012

A Ho-Mg-Zn icosahedral quasicrystal

Fractured on February 12, 2012

Seven point one hundred

Released on February 5, 2012

Thoughts diverging from reality

Converging on January 29, 2012

Thoughts converging toward reality

Diverging from January 22, 2012

And then the cold cuts danced

Ronpauled on January 15, 2012

Dreams in a hole in the ground

Trespassed before January 1, 2012

A sleigh ride to the North Pole

Kringled on December 25, 2011

A journey to Upper Silesia

Gruelled on December 18, 2011

A sally to the Kremlin

Red squared on December 11, 2011

A jaunt to Washington, D.C.

Filibustered on December 4, 2011

A trip to southern Moravia

Plunged off a cliff on November 27, 2011

Goatburping and speechifying

Blustered about before November 20, 2011

Grunting and squeaking in the goatburping park

Soil sampled on November 13, 2011

Like a herd of turtles

Frightened on November 6, 2011

Fimbriated armless and legless

Charged on October 30, 2011

Schtumpfenfrumpt!

Stumped on October 16, 2011

A snootful of donuts

Imbibed before October 2, 2011

A paean to panic

Glibbered about on September 25, 2011

Gnomes? In my photocopier?

Litigated before September 18, 2011

Ten years

Hijacked on September 11, 2011

The toadskin kazoo

Toads skinned on September 4, 2011

Uneventful, boring, and bland

Nothing happened on August 28, 2011

The day ended

Gibbered about on August 7, 2011

Just shaving the dog

Preened on July 31, 2011

The harooloos grew closer

Repositioned on July 17, 2011

Just so he could moo at someone

Percolated on July 3, 2011

Moobly Sefernday!

Borndwiddied on June 19, 2011

What the heck… is bothering me?

Chanted on June 12, 2011

Potted meat

Unpotted on June 5, 2011

Reflecting on corn gone wrong

Paroled on May 15, 2011

Today being Mamårp’s day

Smothered on May 8, 2011

Dyssynergic defecation

Splashed down on April 24, 2011

Plårp and I did our best

Potted on April 10, 2011

Sigmund Freud would be proud

Electrified on April 3, 2011

Cool beans

Beaned on March 27, 2011

Rotating in place

Caligulated on March 20, 2011

Pnårp.com!

Crossing Pnårp Road on March 13, 2011

The hobnailery on Hobgoblin Street

Borfnagled on March 6, 2011

A dark and Strommy night

Thurmonned on February 27, 2011

A dark and spammy night

LARTed on February 20, 2011

A dark and smarmy night

Self-satisfied on February 13, 2011

Requiem for a triangular briefcase

Immured on January 30, 2011

In feckless search of a new body

Transplanted before January 23, 2011

The Christ-O-Mart on Crunkner Boulevard

Transubstantiated before January 16, 2011

Fluffernutter… or treacle?

Stickied on January 2, 2011

A vainglorious, hooting, tooting Christmas

Clamored about on December 26, 2010

Happy birthday, Alyssa Milano!

Feet worshipped on December 19, 2010

Back to Pam & Meg’s

Goatmulched on December 12, 2010

An alabasterously magnificent find

Found before December 5, 2010

375 gorillas and some flower pots

Dumbstruck on November 28, 2010

Oatmeal cookies… behind it all!

Completely forgotten on November 7, 2010

A crater full of Volvos

Hidden in ice for centuries on October 31, 2010

The frozen Pnårp

Last thing I remembered on October 24, 2010

Harshbarger Memorial Hospital

Discharged on October 17, 2010

Ollanthorpe Memorial Hospital

Atrophied before October 10, 2010

Phbthphbthphbthphbththth!

Flatulated on October 3, 2010

An offer he couldn’t refuse

Unmitigated on September 26, 2010

Skipping Wednesday

Slid past on September 12, 2010

Parndiddle McForsterbaster

Pinned up on September 5, 2010

Death by simultaneous drowning and dehydration

Dumbled for August 29, 2010

Tater-totting crunkfire

Clapped on… clapped off on August 22, 2010

The disastrous ballad of Monica Lewinski’s feet

Shattered before August 15, 2010

Two stumblebums for Phillip Norbert Årp

Stumbled around on August 8, 2010

Gnomes destroying my brain and kidneys

Urinated on on July 18, 2010

Boom! Boom, boom, boom!

Orbited on July 11, 2010

Noshing on my favorite keyboard

Fluttered on July 4, 2010

PNARP.SYS is an evil, vile thing

Disinfected on June 20, 2010

Oh, the serendipity!

Squelched through on May 30, 2010

A little pedicatio

Irrumated on May 16, 2010

Thousands of Eggmen against one little Pnårp

Destalinized on May 2, 2010

The fnord plan

Executed before April 11, 2010

A plan is hatched

Hatched right before April 4, 2010

Ham by the brick

Mechanically extracted on March 28, 2010

Dingleberry champion hamster

Plotted against on March 21, 2010

A Hilarius pair of ducks

Guffawed at after March 14, 2010

Into the Brundlesphere

Descended upon on August 3, 2008

Through the tunnel

Crossed over on July 27, 2008

Dog whelks in your arteries

Derived on July 6, 2008

The perfunctory margin of disbelief, part II

Reified on June 29, 2008

Crossing the hatches

Pasteurized for June 22, 2008

Glick Glick van der Glick again!

Cocked and blocked on June 15, 2008

Requiem for a haberdasher

Eulogized on June 8, 2008

Glick Glick van der Glick

Cocked and locked on June 1, 2008

Do, guppy, guppy!

Guppied on May 4, 2008

Dying planktonic foraminifera

Rained down on April 13, 2008

Alyssa Milano & the new adventures of Hitler

Snickerdickered on March 30, 2008

Gra, trained assassin

Unchained after March 23, 2008

Suddenly ablaze

Ignited on March 9, 2008

Not so dead again

Recomposed right before March 2, 2008

Dead again

Decomposed after February 24, 2008

A whole pile of flapdoodles from Shitlingthorpe

Recollected on February 17, 2008

A pox upon your whizgiggling!

Avenged on February 10, 2008

A whiz and a giggle

Whizgiggled at on February 3, 2008

Today is January 27

Punched on January 27, 2008

Gnomes? In my kettles?

Nonsensed at January 20, 2008

Lo’ Kweeisha

Pornographed on January 13, 2008

Bubble wrap and bubble butts

Thawed on January 6, 2008

Dead in a hole

Deceased on December 30, 2007

Frozen in a hole

Frostbit on December 23, 2007

Free at last

Self-addressed and stamped on December 2, 2007

The one true goddess!

Duffeled on November 18, 2007

There’s nothing in my head!

Scuffled with on November 11, 2007

Snuffle off to Buffalo

Sniffled at on November 4, 2007

Strahazazhia smiles upon me

Gone wrong on October 28, 2007

The deep blue face of failure

Done wrong on October 21, 2007

Graceful as Loquisha’s soles

Danced with on October 14, 2007

This is Phillip Norbert Årp’s spaceship

Diseased prior to October 7, 2007

Pnårp’s in space

Station-kept on September 30, 2007

Why do the stars scream?

Screamed about on September 16, 2007

Under Pam & Meg’s

Delved under on September 9, 2007

Grumfeld redux

Simmered on September 2, 2007

Indeed I can go home again

Returned home on August 26, 2007

Dugongs abound in my ear canals!

Tiled over on August 19, 2007

I did not forget about Hitler!

Livingroomed on August 12, 2007

Plårp goes home

Sent home on August 5, 2007

Plårp, Plårp, Plårp!

Lopped off on July 29, 2007

Plårp!

Plopped down on July 15, 2007

3,600 eigenserfs and a function key

Indentured forever after July 8, 2007

Press any key

Pressed on June 24, 2007

Paisley time

Enslaved on June 17, 2007

Ol’ Grummie’s back!

Bungled up on June 3, 2007

Ravna and a ligature

Magic-marked on May 20, 2007

The laws of Phillip I: Last decree

Decreed on April 15, 2007

The laws of Phillip I: Homage

Legislated on April 8, 2007

The laws of Phillip I: Taxes

Propagated on April 1, 2007

The laws of Phillip I

Promulgated on March 25, 2007

The restive provinces conquered

Excoriated before March 18, 2007

Eight years

Anniversed four days before March 11, 2007

131,072 Schmongeloid conscripts

Decimated on March 4, 2007

No one expects the Schmalkaldic League

Vanquished on February 25, 2007

Alyssa Milano lives!

Jury-rigged on February 4, 2007

Alyssa Milano v. Phillip Norbert Årp

Entrenched under January 28, 2007

Suing Alyssa Milano

Bombarded after January 14, 2007

Fort Flabberwocky was a myth!

Auld acquaintances forgotten on December 31, 2006

’Twas the night before Christmas

Prostituted on December 24, 2006

The Spend-O-Mart on Crunkner Boulevard

Drenched in sweat on December 17, 2006

Bloviating and brachiating

Wrenched away from me on December 3, 2006

Mesothelioma in a drainage ditch

Stir-fried for October 22, 2006

Gnomelandia Day

Filleted on October 15, 2006

Ollanthorpe Savings Bank

Puréed on October 1, 2006

I remembered a lot this week!

Chopped with a stick on September 24, 2006

Terrorists! Terrorists!!

Sporked with some tongs on September 17, 2006

Burkina Faso encased in pie

Tortured on July 23, 2006

This is Phillip Norbert Årp’s ship

Appeased prior to July 2, 2006

A cock-up, to be sure

Erected on June 4, 2006

My new neighbor from Georgia

Nazified on April 2, 2006

The haberdashery, act IV

Wanted on March 26, 2006

The haberdashery, act II

Flaunted on March 12, 2006

She isn’t dead!

Copulated after January 15, 2006

368,000 firecrackers and a butcher shop

Tarpapered over on January 1, 2006

Today being Christmas…

Made merry on December 25, 2005

The perfect symmetry of a letter

Excreted slightly before December 18, 2005

Shitlingthorpe–Alabaster Flapdoodles

Zanzibarred on December 11, 2005

Thaddeus C.L. Harshbarger, the haberdasher

Belted out on December 4, 2005

My house burned down today

Incinerated on November 20, 2005

I shall visit Eigentoria

Bandied about on October 30, 2005

The return of Grårp

Cordoned off on September 18, 2005

Abortifacient skies, the burning air

Slobbered all over on September 11, 2005

I’m ending it all!

Spindled on August 21, 2005

Troobles, long and hard

Deluged on August 7, 2005

Soft, and steaming lightly

Castigated on July 31, 2005

Umph… plurgh… splat!

Beautified on July 17, 2005

Zero-factor linguistics

Laughed about within June 5, 2005

Eigenfactor

Given to charity prior to May 22, 2005

Into the midst of a gorilla and yak pack

Made in Taiwan, R.O.C., before May 15, 2005

I saw an iMac, a greenish-blue flavored one

Popularized for April 10, 2005

I was mad

Optimized for April 3, 2005

Guhhhh noooobity fahhhh foooogity!!!

Squabbled about on March 20, 2005

My dear brother Grårp!

Crucified for March 13, 2005

Samuel Dreckers

Carbonized prior to March 6, 2005

Contemplating the Spice Girls

Best if sold by February 27, 2005

Alyssa Milano still has very cute feet

Reeducated on February 20, 2005

Searching forever for the elusive Troobles

Squandered because of October 31, 1999

The stars scream at me louder than ever!!

Suspended from October 24, 1999

I had failed

Hidden above my bed on October 17, 1999

A brass knob had fallen on my head

Belched out on September 26, 1999

The Countess-Prelate von Sträsmussenbörg

Bleeped out for September 19, 1999

No kind of Trooble infatuates anyone

Fondled on August 22, 1999

I love AOL

Placated since August 1, 1999

Mister Ollanthorpe von Sträsmussenbörg

Encapsulated within July 25, 1999

Is there an underdog in you?

Nitrated on July 18, 1999

Dead

Abolished after July 11, 1999

The flying pi returned

Complicated because of July 4, 1999

I took the AK-47 down

Romanticized for June 20, 1999

Dangerous evidence kept cropping up

Regurgitated prior to May 16, 1999

Am I lost!? Am I low on oil!?

Hydrogenated for April 11, 1999

The man who talked way too much

Splattered on April 4, 1999