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My house burned down today

Incinerated on November 20, 2005.

My house burned down today, with me in it. I almost died. I almost die a lot, you know that? Hamster, dingleberry…

I think the gnomes did it. It was either the eigengnomes, having followed me home from Eigentoria, or perhaps that lone Westphalian Schmongeling Gnome I saw hiding under the carapace near my prehensile couch cushions. “Can you hear me now!?” To make matters worse, when they flushed themselves last week, they stole my fez, along with the new fedora I’d thought I had lost in a drainpipe. I’m sad… very sad. They don’t hold rat-fighting contests in Sicily anymore; where am I going to get another maroon fez?

Dingleberry, dingleberry, dingleberry, hamster!