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Dogging the Balphonse

Hemidemisemiquavered on May 29, 2022.

“Barry? Is that short for Barold? Or Bawrence?” I asked.

The door slammed again in my face.

I pondered. His name wasn’t Terwilligus Saltibalz. It wasn’t Gnaddeus Underdong McDoggerel Kleinbutt. I still didn’t know and he wouldn’t tell me, hating my guts and all. I pondered harder. It wasn’t Tyler. It wasn’t Taylor. It wasn’t Fillmore nor was it Hayes. It certainly wasn’t William Henry Harrison (who died in thirty days). I floundered hard. Maybe, just maybe, it was…

“Oh, I got it! Balphonse!!”

It kept getting half as long but twice as goo—