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Is there an underdog in you?

Nitrated on July 18, 1999.

Is there an underdog in you? There is one in me; I ate one three days ago. It was a cocker spaniel. It wasn’t too happy that I had eaten it. It would’ve saved me a bundle to call it using 1-800-COLLECT, but I didn’t. Usenet, email, and IRC made me try and screw myself.

No, no, no.

Angry! I started reading something written on a piece of used toilet paper I found in a public toilet at a local Mobil station. “Say something! What should I be writing!? Should I be writing something!? Does the dog know!? Does the cat know!? Do the screaming stars know?! Or the clouds!? Or my dead neighbor, Mr. Wilson!? Stop talking! Stop writing! I cannot think like this! …” It looked familiar. I had written it, back in April! I couldn’t believe it! Someone was using my writing as toilet paper!

I was mad now. Really mad. Happy that I had eaten an underdog, but mad about the toilet paper. (This, incidentally, caused one of the screaming stars to go supernova.) Why don’t you do something useful?? Surge is a fully loaded citrus soda. I eat citrus for breakfast. I also ate some strontium nitrate today. What an anaphylactic system. I went riding on an accretion disk from Russia. Simplicity for exclusivity’s sake. No more!!!

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