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Phillip Norbert Årp v. Alyssa Milano’s Feet

Machine-gunned on January 21, 2007.

The trial fizzled out as quickly as it began, when Alyssa Milano herself showed up, and proceeded to beat me senseless with her purse. The judge just giggled and watched as yours truly got beaten to a pulp by the delicate Ms. Milano. (Alas, her feet were safely hidden away in a very unattractive pair of galoshes, which I suspect she wore entirely because of me.)

The judge dismissed the case as soon as I lost consciousness under the merciless pummelling I was receiving, and the next thing I knew, the lovely Alyssa Milano was filing a lawsuit against me—for harassment!