I’m your favorite website!Feed me! Feeeed meeee!!Email Pnårp!Tweet! Tweet! Twat!Livin’ it up… on a living journal!Corrosion!? But websites don’t corrode!My space! All mine! Muahahah!!A whole book full of my face!Oogle boogle google!Where gravity itself gets its blog avatar!Linked in… to what? A pair of moose antlers?Red dits? Red edits? Read its…!?Living windows…?Yahoobles!
You’re my favorite visitor!

Pnårp’s docile & perfunctory page

Hello, and welcome to my page! I’m Phillip Norbert Årp, or, as everyone likes to yell at me, Pnårp!

Pnårp’s Page!

“What’s this page all about?” you ask? Well, ask, and I shall tell you something or other. This time, I shall thusly tell you this: Every week, usually on Sunday—if I actually remember that it’s Sunday when Sunday finally rolls around and rears its baleful, pestilent head—I sit down in front of the ol’ computer, pick up the ol’ board of keys, and bang out a few paragraphs describing what most likely happened in my life over the past few days. Sometimes interesting, sometimes merely confusing, sometimes skull-crushingly boring—but updated weekly nonetheless! And always filled with the wheedling, needling chatter of trillions upon trillions of lawn gnomes. Oh yes, always… always, always…

That’s right, dearies: Each and every week promises to bring a new steaming pile of text squeezed out by yours truly and deposited carefully on this here website. Isn’t that wonderful?!

“So, it’s one of those blog things,” you say? And I reply: “…Blbphplplhlbhuhh??”

If you like my page, or if you’d like a complimentary keyboard cover and set of fine pewter sporks autographed by Rory Calhoun and Alyssa Milano, please email me and tell me! [No purchase estuary. Lawn gnomes not included. You won’t be disconcerted. Deployed where prohibited by snore.]

Where else can you find Pnårp on the unfurled-wide web? Why, everywhere! Pnårp is being a twit on Twitter, livin’ it up on LiveJournal, corroding Kuro5hin, spacing out on MySpace, bloviating and gesticulating at something called Facebook, oogling Google, gravatating all over Gravatar, linking up with LinkedIn, wheedling Reddit, plodding around on Windows Live, whizgiggling all over Yahoo, and wandering about aimlessly at a bunch of other websites, too!

Pnårp is everywhere, dearies! It’s phlogistically fantastical!

Pnårp’s December, 2012 wattle & daub

Christmas, goats, and the fiscal cliff

Goat got on December 30, 2012

…The world ended

Escheated before December 23, 2012

This coming Friday…

Prognosticated after December 16, 2012

Mooey, mooey, moo!

Lowed at on December 9, 2012

Horses, drugs, and some Volvos

Revolved around December 2, 2012

Pnårp’s November, 2012 plaster & spackle

A paean to funnels

Funneled on November 25, 2012

A parable that should explain everything

Enchanted on November 18, 2012

Ungabungabugandabunga!

Land-locked on November 11, 2012

The geese were angry

Angered before November 4, 2012

Pnårp’s October, 2012 grousing & de-lousing

Ziti—with lines, please

Lollygagged on October 28, 2012

As a bump on a log

Bumped and logged on October 21, 2012

The nauga war

Tanned on October 14, 2012

Meals and utensils and straws, oh my!

Bluely rinsed on October 7, 2012

Pnårp’s September, 2012 seeping & tempering

In my own back yard

Extirpated on September 30, 2012

Livin’ large in the large intestine

Emboweled on September 23, 2012

Illin’ in the ileum

Chillin’ on September 16, 2012

A sojourn through the jejunum

Catabolized on September 9, 2012

The September that wouldn’t be

Elided on September 2, 2012

Pnårp’s August, 2012 augering & gusting

My competitive worm charming days

Vermiculated on August 26, 2012

When Saturday is Sunday

Blown right past August 19, 2012

The turtle herds of insomnia

NōDōz’d on August 12, 2012

Upon the Fimbriated Planet

Flabbled about on August 5, 2012

Pnårp’s July, 2012 flag-waving & bugle-blowing

And the neckties writhed

Spiraled around July 29, 2012

The ÅSS Goose from the Machine

Bageled on July 22, 2012

Planet of the geese

Honked at on July 15, 2012

Here I froze and here I died

Dubstepped on July 8, 2012

A hortensical Sefernday

Hortensed on July 1, 2012

Pnårp’s June, 2012 flushing & clogging

Fungous hitchhikers from outer space

Rocketed on June 24, 2012

The Bagel Nebula, you stinky monkeys!

Humped and dumped on June 17, 2012

I am the humperdumperdink!

Dumped and dinked on June 10, 2012

My skin was thinking

Considered for June 3, 2012

Pnårp’s May, 2012 frocking & defrocking

My neighbor—he’s on fire

Detonated on May 27, 2012

The green apple bee-bop

Hydrated on May 20, 2012

Hoarsely the Pnårp sang

Horsed around on May 13, 2012

Vox clamantis in deserto

Cheddared on May 6, 2012

Pnårp’s April, 2012 lolling & gagging

The death of Argo Navis

Trisected before April 29, 2012

A lunchable lemony apple key

Open-appled on April 22, 2012

A box! A box! A box of…

Puttered about on April 15, 2012

Gurning for two

Faces made before April 8, 2012

Surviving April Fools Day

Foxholed on April 1, 2012

Pnårp’s March, 2012 goring & mauling

To order a coffee

Caffeinated on March 25, 2012

Toad rental—cheap!

Rented on March 18, 2012

Yup, still dead…

Rotted around March 11, 2012

I was still dead…

Putresced around March 4, 2012

Pnårp’s February, 2012 sneezing & coughing

I was dead

Expired around February 26, 2012

Axons across beard-seconds of darkness

Stretched out February 19, 2012

A Ho-Mg-Zn icosahedral quasicrystal

Fractured on February 12, 2012

Seven point one hundred

Released on February 5, 2012

Pnårp’s January, 2012 whirling & gigging

Thoughts diverging from reality

Converging on January 29, 2012

Thoughts converging toward reality

Diverging from January 22, 2012

And then the cold cuts danced

Ronpauled on January 15, 2012

This entry is missing!

Misplaced before January 8, 2012

Dreams in a hole in the ground

Trespassed before January 1, 2012

Pnårp’s December, 2011 tidings & good cheer

A sleigh ride to the North Pole

Kringled on December 25, 2011

A journey to upper Silesia

Gruelled on December 18, 2011

A sally to the Kremlin

Red squared on December 11, 2011

A jaunt to Washington, D.C.

Filibustered on December 4, 2011

Pnårp’s November, 2011 failure & bankruptcy

A trip to southern Moravia

Plunged off a cliff on November 27, 2011

Goatburping and speechifying

Blustered about before November 20, 2011

Grunting and squeaking in the goatburping park

Soil sampled on November 13, 2011

Like a herd of turtles

Frightened on November 6, 2011

Pnårp’s October, 2011 krill & Vril

Fimbriated armless and legless

Charged on October 30, 2011

Quack! Quack! Quack, quack, quack!!

Ducked on October 23, 2011

Schtumpfenfrumpt!

Stumped on October 16, 2011

Squee! Squee! Squee!

Snoozed on October 9, 2011

A snootful of donuts

Imbibed before October 2, 2011

Pnårp’s September, 2011 Yvahk & furrfu

A paean to panic

Glibbered about on September 25, 2011

Gnomes? In my photocopier?

Litigated before September 18, 2011

Ten years

Hijacked on September 11, 2011

The toadskin kazoo

Toads skinned on September 4, 2011

Pnårp’s August, 2011 cifrection & bumples

Uneventful, boring, and bland

Nothing happened on August 28, 2011

A stick of pepperoni a day

Bordured on August 21, 2011

A skeezle-wumpus? In my cabinets?

Marred on August 14, 2011

The day ended

Gibbered about on August 7, 2011

Pnårp’s July, 2011 petaflops & petaglobs

Just shaving the dog

Preened on July 31, 2011

Disgorgement and cheddar

Squassated on July 24, 2011

The harooloos grew closer

Repositioned on July 17, 2011

Impossibly shaped bowls

Whiled away before July 10, 2011

Just so he could moo at someone

Percolated on July 3, 2011

Pnårp’s June, 2011 dingleberries & chingleberries

The end of doodlewhacker pie

Bloomed on June 26, 2011

Moobly Sefernday!

Borndwiddied on June 19, 2011

What the heck… is bothering me?

Chanted on June 12, 2011

Potted meat

Unpotted on June 5, 2011

Pnårp’s May, 2011 buttwash & groinrinse

A discourse on shrieking

Babbled about on May 29, 2011

Incipits being rather popish

Lubricated on May 22, 2011

Reflecting on corn gone wrong

Paroled on May 15, 2011

Today being Mamårp’s day

Smothered on May 8, 2011

Hnnnngggghhhh!

Strained on May 1, 2011

Pnårp’s April, 2011 Rebo & Zooty

Dyssynergic defecation

Splashed down on April 24, 2011

The tight, grimacing face

Impacted before April 17, 2011

Plårp and I did our best

Potted on April 10, 2011

Sigmund Freud would be proud

Electrified on April 3, 2011

Pnårp’s March, 2011 galoobery & granfalloonery

Cool beans

Beaned on March 27, 2011

Rotating in place

Caligulated on March 20, 2011

Pnårp.com!

Crossing Pnårp Road on March 13, 2011

The hobnailery on Hobgoblin Street

Borfnagled on March 6, 2011

Pnårp’s February, 2011 dark & stormy nights

A dark and Strommy night

Thurmonned on February 27, 2011

A dark and spammy night

LARTed on February 20, 2011

A dark and smarmy night

Self-satisfied on February 13, 2011

A dark and stormy night

Stormdrained on February 6, 2011

Pnårp’s January, 2011 bottlenecking & hosiery

Requiem for a triangular briefcase

Immured on January 30, 2011

In feckless search of a new body

Transplanted before January 23, 2011

The Christ-O-Mart on Crunkner Boulevard

Transubstantiated before January 16, 2011

Dr. Unterguggenburgerheimer!

Diagnosed on January 9, 2011

Fluffernutter… or treacle?

Stickied on January 2, 2011

Pnårp’s December, 2010 piping & fitting

A vainglorious, hooting, tooting Christmas

Clamored about on December 26, 2010

Happy birthday, Alyssa Milano!

Feet worshipped on December 19, 2010

Back to Pam & Meg’s

Goatmulched on December 12, 2010

An alabasterously magnificent find

Found before December 5, 2010

Pnårp’s November, 2010 trinkets & doodads

375 gorillas and some flower pots

Dumbstruck on November 28, 2010

Ravna and a tub of port wine cheese spread

Slathered all over on November 21, 2010

Mr. Årp goes to city hall

Carpetbagged on November 14, 2010

Oatmeal cookies… behind it all!

Completely forgotten on November 7, 2010

Pnårp’s October, 2010 rotelli & spaghetti

A crater full of Volvos

Hidden in ice for centuries on October 31, 2010

The frozen Pnårp

Last thing I remembered on October 24, 2010

Harshbarger Memorial Hospital

Discharged on October 17, 2010

Ollanthorpe Memorial Hospital

Atrophied before October 10, 2010

Phbthphbthphbthphbththth!

Flatulated on October 3, 2010

Pnårp’s September, 2010 Schmarnocks & Marklars

An offer he couldn’t refuse

Unmitigated on September 26, 2010

Insidious flobcumber pie

Perchanced upon on September 19, 2010

Skipping Wednesday

Slid past on September 12, 2010

Parndiddle McForsterbaster

Pinned up on September 5, 2010

Pnårp’s August, 2010 ankles & barefeet

Death by simultaneous drowning and dehydration

Dumbled for August 29, 2010

Tater-totting crunkfire

Clapped on… clapped off on August 22, 2010

The disastrous ballad of Monica Lewinski’s feet

Shattered before August 15, 2010

Two stumblebums for Phillip Norbert Årp

Stumbled around on August 8, 2010

Ah, the first of August!

Firstly on August 1, 2010

Pnårp’s July, 2010 poesies & toesies

Poesies and toesies indeed!

Tentacle-raped on July 25, 2010

Gnomes destroying my brain and kidneys

Urinated on on July 18, 2010

Boom! Boom, boom, boom!

Orbited on July 11, 2010

Noshing on my favorite keyboard

Fluttered on July 4, 2010

Pnårp’s June, 2010 Broxholm & Kreeblim

Technicolor horse testicles

Nuked on June 27, 2010

PNARP.SYS is an evil, vile thing

Disinfected on June 20, 2010

Psycho Chicken With Fingers On Top!

Squawked upon prior to June 13, 2010

Joyful Sefernday, everyone!

Envisaged on June 6, 2010

Pnårp’s May, 2010 bangers & mash

Oh, the serendipity!

Squelched through on May 30, 2010

Oh, the fendippity!

Panicked over on May 23, 2010

A little pedicatio

Irrumated on May 16, 2010

The fleeting nuances of Dingleberry–Hampsterism

Guzzled on May 9, 2010

Thousands of Eggmen against one little Pnårp

Destalinized on May 2, 2010

Pnårp’s April, 2010 bubble & squeak

The Fendippitous Eggmen

Cracked open on April 25, 2010

I had eggs today!

Oviposited on April 18, 2010

The fnord plan

Executed before April 11, 2010

A plan is hatched

Hatched right before April 4, 2010

Pnårp’s March, 2010 careening & howling

Ham by the brick

Mechanically extracted on March 28, 2010

Dingleberry champion hamster

Plotted against on March 21, 2010

A Hilarius pair of ducks

Guffawed at after March 14, 2010

Return from the Brundlebeyond

Disgorged on March 7, 2010

Pnårp’s August, 2008 mirroring & extruding

Stay spooned for more!

Spooned on August 10, 2008

Into the Brundlesphere

Descended upon on August 3, 2008

Pnårp’s July, 2008 squooshing & entwining

Through the tunnel

Crossed over on July 27, 2008

The Brundlesphere

Entangled on July 20, 2008

Kudzu and Miss Hewitt

Integrated on July 13, 2008

Dog whelks in your arteries

Derived on July 6, 2008

Pnårp’s June, 2008 diddling & fiddling

The perfunctory margin of disbelief, part II

Reified on June 29, 2008

Crossing the hatches

Pasteurized for June 22, 2008

Glick Glick van der Glick again!

Cocked and blocked on June 15, 2008

Requiem for a haberdasher

Eulogized on June 8, 2008

Glick Glick van der Glick

Cocked and locked on June 1, 2008

Pnårp’s May, 2008 cramming & spamming

Ring above?

Rung above on May 25, 2008

eBGIQ7ZuuiU or bust

Gassed up on May 18, 2008

Quack! Quack! Quack!!

Quackenbushed on May 11, 2008

Do, guppy, guppy!

Guppied on May 4, 2008

Pnårp’s April, 2008 licking & sucking

Short and sweet!

Sweetened on April 27, 2008

High… on life

Hepped up on April 20, 2008

Dying planktonic foraminifera

Rained down on April 13, 2008

Reign across America

Wrought before April 6, 2008

Pnårp’s March, 2008 pinching & twisting

Alyssa Milano & the new adventures of Hitler

Snickerdickered on March 30, 2008

Gra, trained assassin

Unchained after March 23, 2008

The blaze continues unabated

Immolated on March 16, 2008

Suddenly ablaze

Ignited on March 9, 2008

Not so dead again

Recomposed right before March 2, 2008

Pnårp’s February, 2008 whizzing & giggling

Dead again

Decomposed after February 24, 2008

A whole pile of flapdoodles from Shitlingthorpe

Recollected on February 17, 2008

A pox upon your whizgiggling!

Avenged on February 10, 2008

A whiz and a giggle

Whizgiggled at on February 3, 2008

Pnårp’s January, 2008 expanding & throbbing

Today is January 27

Prevaricated on January 27, 2008

Gnomes? In my kettles?

Nonsensed at January 20, 2008

Lo’ Kweeisha

Pornographed on January 13, 2008

Bubble wrap and bubble butts

Thawed on January 6, 2008

Pnårp’s December, 2007 zooting & suiting

Dead in a hole

Deceased on December 30, 2007

Frozen in a hole

Frostbit on December 23, 2007

In a hole

Holed up on December 16, 2007

Spaceworthy guardsquirrels

Decompressed on December 9, 2007

Free at last

Self-addressed and stamped on December 2, 2007

Pnårp’s November, 2007 snuffling & scuffling

Aaaahhh!!

Whiffled on November 25, 2007

The one true goddess!

Duffeled on November 18, 2007

There’s nothing in my head!

Scuffled with on November 11, 2007

Snuffle off to Buffalo

Sniffled at on November 4, 2007

Pnårp’s October, 2007 odds & ends

Strahazazhia smiles upon me

Gone wrong on October 28, 2007

The deep blue face of failure

Done wrong on October 21, 2007

Graceful as Loquisha’s soles

Danced with on October 14, 2007

This is Phillip Norbert Årp’s spaceship

Diseased prior to October 7, 2007

Pnårp’s September, 2007 numerology & fakery

Pnårp’s in space

Station-kept on September 30, 2007

Why does the pi float?

Floated by on September 23, 2007

Why do the stars scream?

Screamed about on September 16, 2007

Under Pam & Meg’s

Delved under on September 9, 2007

Grumfeld redux

Simmered on September 2, 2007

Pnårp’s August, 2007 feldwebel & oberst

Indeed I can go home again

Returned home on August 26, 2007

Dugongs abound in my ear canals!

Tiled over on August 19, 2007

I did not forget about Hitler!

Livingroomed on August 12, 2007

Plårp goes home

Sent home on August 5, 2007

Pnårp’s July, 2007 borscht & bratwurst

Plårp, Plårp, Plårp!

Lopped off on July 29, 2007

Plårp, Plårp!

Popped up on July 22, 2007

Plårp!

Plopped down on July 15, 2007

3,600 eigenserfs and a function key

Indentured forever after July 8, 2007

The missing fourteenth key

Lost before July 1, 2007

Pnårp’s June, 2007 midwives & alewives

Press any key

Pressed on June 24, 2007

Paisley time

Enslaved on June 17, 2007

Back to Harry’s

Ingratiated on June 10, 2007

Ol’ Grummie’s back!

Bungled up on June 3, 2007

Pnårp’s May, 2007 mea & culpa

Ravna and the gorillas

Ravished on May 27, 2007

Ravna and a ligature

Magic-marked on May 20, 2007

Squish-&-honk!

Peppered lightly with May 13, 2007

Further visages of feet-&-toes

Hieroticalized on May 6, 2007

Pnårp’s April, 2007 diuretics & calisthenics

Toe-visages on the Sefernday

Splayed on April 29, 2007

Sleeping in the closet

Lamented on April 22, 2007

The laws of Phillip I: Last decree

Decreed on April 15, 2007

The laws of Phillip I: Homage

Legislated on April 8, 2007

The laws of Phillip I: Taxes

Propagated on April 1, 2007

Pnårp’s March, 2007 teenyboppers & estoppel

The laws of Phillip I

Promulgated on March 25, 2007

The restive provinces conquered

Excoriated before March 18, 2007

Eight years

Anniversed four days before March 11, 2007

131,072 Schmongeloid conscripts

Decimated on March 4, 2007

Pnårp’s February, 2007 Eratosthenes & Hippocrates

No one expects the Schmalkaldic League

Vanquished on February 25, 2007

Digging up the back yard

Cashed in on February 18, 2007

Shekels at the cat-canning plant

Devoted on February 11, 2007

Alyssa Milano lives!

Jury-rigged on February 4, 2007

Pnårp’s January, 2007 domesdays & bomb bays

Alyssa Milano v. Phillip Norbert Årp

Entrenched under January 28, 2007

Phillip Norbert Årp v. Alyssa Milano’s Feet

Machine-gunned on January 21, 2007

Suing Alyssa Milano

Bombarded after January 14, 2007

Music erupted from my bed cushions again

Strafed on January 7, 2007

Pnårp’s December, 2006 wrenches & wenches

Fort Flabberwocky was a myth!

Auld acquaintances forgotten on December 31, 2006

’Twas the night before Christmas

Prostituted on December 24, 2006

The Spend-O-Mart on Crunkner Boulevard

Drenched in sweat on December 17, 2006

The Great Fluffernutter Deluge of ’58

Whored out on December 10, 2006

Bloviating and brachiating

Wrenched away from me on December 3, 2006

Pnårp’s November, 2006 expostulations & hypotheticals

Britney Spears… or Jennifer Love Hewitt?

Rigorously proved for November 26, 2006

I forgot about Hitler again…

Posited because of November 19, 2006

A busjacking by Jack Off Jill?

Theorized about on November 12, 2006

Jacking off Jill to a squirrel-fox-dingo

Hypothesized on November 5, 2006

Pnårp’s October, 2006 ensmallening & prominence

Loquisha, you hornswoggler!

Added to taste on October 29, 2006

Mesothelioma in a drainage ditch

Stir-fried for October 22, 2006

Gnomelandia Day

Filleted on October 15, 2006

The Third Coming

Chopped lightly on October 8, 2006

Ollanthorpe Savings Bank

Puréed on October 1, 2006

Pnårp’s September, 2006 embiggening & cromulence

I remembered a lot this week!

Chopped with a stick on September 24, 2006

Terrorists! Terrorists!!

Sporked with some tongs on September 17, 2006

Haldûrburðgar, Lord and Emperor

Knifed with a spoon on September 10, 2006

Attacked by tadpoles!

Stabbed with a fork on September 3, 2006

Pnårp’s August, 2006 fecklessness & stipples

Busy: Ankle-crawling kudzu

Toddled about on August 27, 2006

Busy: A whole flock of geese

Goosed before August 20, 2006

As kudzu crept up her ankles

Encircled on August 13, 2006

Incipient garden gnomes pouring down again

Wined & dined on August 6, 2006

Pnårp’s July, 2006 tentacles & manacles

New Gardegnomia

Navigated to on July 30, 2006

Burkina Faso encased in pie

Tortured on July 23, 2006

A disastrous pie-eating contest

Drawn and quartered on July 16, 2006

No dice

Gambled over on July 9, 2006

This is Phillip Norbert Årp’s ship

Appeased prior to July 2, 2006

Pnårp’s June, 2006 fenders & benders

Gormless bastard!

Located to the right of June 25, 2006

Captain Pinnfarb explains it all

Positioned left of June 18, 2006

The wall gong exhibition

Molested on June 11, 2006

A cock-up, to be sure

Erected on June 4, 2006

Pnårp’s May, 2006 henpecks & viscosity

I thought this was better!?

Harvested before May 28, 2006

Oatmeal cookies and their spies

Weeded on May 21, 2006

I still don’t trust these cookies…

Hollered well before May 14, 2006

My oatmeal cookies

Surveilled pursuant to May 7, 2006

Pnårp’s April, 2006 mind-boggling & hornswoggling

The dingleberry/hamster song

Sung for April 30, 2006

Pam & Meg’s

Wheeled about on April 23, 2006

The Englebee Troobles live!

Transubstantiated on April 16, 2006

Hornswoggled, I tell you!

Connived on April 9, 2006

My new neighbor from Georgia

Nazified on April 2, 2006

Pnårp’s March, 2006 ham & eggs

The haberdashery, act IV

Wanted on March 26, 2006

The haberdashery, act III

Haunted on March 19, 2006

The haberdashery, act II

Flaunted on March 12, 2006

The haberdashery, act I

Taunted on March 5, 2006

Pnårp’s February, 2006 spoonerisms & philately

Ham and eggs, a dram of megs

Hammed up for February 26, 2006

I need a new hobby

Telephoned on February 19, 2006

A pastry on both your houses!

Made peace with on February 12, 2006

Hobnobbishly bamboozled, she said

Interrupted before February 5, 2006

Pnårp’s January, 2006 hotdogs & warthogs

Busy this week too!

Put out on January 29, 2006

Busy this week!

Placed next to January 22, 2006

She isn’t dead!

Copulated after January 15, 2006

Schmongeling Gnomes from Westphalia?

Schmongeled under January 8, 2006

368,000 firecrackers and a butcher shop

Tarpapered over on January 1, 2006

Pnårp’s December, 2005 dirigibles & submersibles

Today being Christmas…

Made merry on December 25, 2005

The perfect symmetry of a letter

Excreted slightly before December 18, 2005

Shitlingthorpe–Alabaster Flapdoodles

Zanzibarred on December 11, 2005

Thaddeus C.L. Harshbarger, the haberdasher

Belted out on December 4, 2005

Pnårp’s November, 2005 blatherskite & twaddle

Dingleberry, hamster!

Cornpuffed for November 27, 2005

My house burned down today

Incinerated on November 20, 2005

Stewing in my own juices

Brewed on November 13, 2005

A visit to Eigentoria

Emigrated on November 6, 2005

Pnårp’s October, 2005 fiddlesticks & corpulence

I shall visit Eigentoria

Bandied about on October 30, 2005

The thick, meaty center of an eigenfactor

Ridiculed on October 23, 2005

Caught in a wet noodling contest

Noodled on October 16, 2005

The lawn gnomes prance!

Gingerbreaded on October 9, 2005

Saturday was the worst

Hobnobbed on October 2, 2005

Pnårp’s September, 2005 lollygagging & philandering

The return of the garden gnomes

Star-spangled high above September 25, 2005

The return of Grårp

Cordoned off on September 18, 2005

Abortifacient skies, the burning air

Slobbered all over on September 11, 2005

Engelby Trouble?

Prevaricated on September 4, 2005

Pnårp’s August, 2005 rippin’ & snortin’

Spruce mustard and bouillabaisse

Trundled August 28, 2005

I’m ending it all!

Spindled August 21, 2005

Blast you all

Best if used by August 14, 2005

Troobles, long and hard

Deluged on August 7, 2005

Pnårp’s July, 2005 hobgoblins & flapdoodles

Soft, and steaming lightly

Castigated on July 31, 2005

The perspicacious side of the planet

Wienerschnitzeled on July 24, 2005

Umph… plurgh… splat!

Ingratiated on July 17, 2005

Bowdlerization!

Bowdlerized on July 10, 2005

I slithered blithely out the door

Fetishized on July 3, 2005

Pnårp’s June, 2005 horsefeathers & flunkery

A gaggle of garden gnomes

Engulfed on June 26, 2005

Incipient garden gnomes pouring down

Shined & enshrined on June 19, 2005

What an Englebee Trooble is

Incarcerated on June 12, 2005

Zero-factor linguistics

Laughed about within June 5, 2005

Pnårp’s May, 2005 endoscopy & parallelism

The Magic Oreo Machine™

Played footsie with on May 29, 2005

Eigenfactor

Given to charity prior to May 22, 2005

Into the midst of a gorilla and yak pack

Made in Taiwan, R.O.C., before May 15, 2005

Naked with soda bottles in my ears

Redistributed after May 8, 2005

Fell in a pit (again)

Masticated on May 1, 2005

Pnårp’s April, 2005 wheeling & dealing

Music erupted from my bed cushions

Cosigned on April 24, 2005

The Trooble Foundation

Irked on April 17, 2005

I saw an iMac, a greenish-blue flavored one

Optimized for April 10, 2005

I was mad

Optimized for April 3, 2005

Pnårp’s March, 2005 sagacity & hierarchy

I desire broadband access to my feet!

Quibbled about on March 27, 2005

Guhhhh noooobity fahhhh foooogity!!!

Squabbled about on March 20, 2005

My dear brother Grårp!

Crucified for March 13, 2005

Samuel Dreckers

Carbonized prior to March 6, 2005

Pnårp’s February, 2005 brewing & stewing

Contemplating the Spice Girls

Best if sold by February 27, 2005

Alyssa Milano still has very cute feet

Reeducated on February 20, 2005

Briefcase! Gatorade!!

Fudged up against February 13, 2005

100% guaranteed

Bamboozled on February 6, 2005

Pnårp’s January, 2005 whinin’ & complainin’

The Troobles exist…

Inoculated on January 30, 2005

Curse inflatable hotdogs

Expurgated on January 23, 2005

Pnårp’s November, 1999 insanity & incontinence

Aaaahhh!!

Vindicated and tabulated on November 7, 1999

Pnårp’s October, 1999 bobbles & baubles

Searching forever for the elusive Troobles

Squandered because of October 31, 1999

The stars scream at me louder than ever!!

Suspended from October 24, 1999

I had failed

Hidden above my bed on October 17, 1999

Fight the future

Hidden under my bed on October 10, 1999

I forgot about Hitler

Plundered shortly after October 3, 1999

Pnårp’s September, 1999 standard & poor

A brass knob had fallen on my head

Belched out on September 26, 1999

The Countess-Prelate von Sträsmussenbörg

Bleeped out for September 19, 1999

Someone accused me of screwing a pheasant

Remixed before September 12, 1999

Without a tongue or a penis

Reticulated and sun-dried on September 5, 1999

Pnårp’s August, 1999 scenery & greenery

It gets hot in Afghanistani prisons

Given to my daughter on August 29, 1999

No kind of Trooble infatuates anyone

Fondled August 22, 1999

The talking, squawking camel

Reinstated August 15, 1999

The Englebee Troobles

Pondered upon August 8, 1999

I love AOL

Placated since August 1, 1999

Pnårp’s July, 1999 squeaks & squawks

Mister Ollanthorpe von Sträsmussenbörg

Encapsulated within July 25, 1999

Is there an underdog in you?

Nitrated on July 18, 1999

Dead

Abolished after July 11, 1999

The flying pi returned

Complicated because of July 4, 1999

Pnårp’s June, 1999 fenestration & haberdashery

I have nothing to write today

Repatriated on June 27, 1999

I took the AK-47 down

Romanticized for June 20, 1999

The triangular briefcase I had found

Reintegrated on June 13, 1999

The spiders began to sing and chant

Refracted after June 6, 1999

Pnårp’s May, 1999 sticks & stones

Hypoglycemia and digititis have no sway over me

Intubated on May 30, 1999

I found a scrap of paper in my pocket

Rebutted on May 23, 1999

Dangerous evidence kept cropping up

Regurgitated prior to May 16, 1999

The perfunctory margin of disbelief

Apprenticed to May 9, 1999

Semper sic tyrannis

Calculated and compiled on May 2, 1999

Pnårp’s April, 1999 piffle & babble

In the ground underneath my house

Drawn up for April 25, 1999

A glass was sitting on my desk

Masticated on April 18, 1999

Am I lost!? Am I low on oil!?

Hydrogenated for April 11, 1999

The man who talked way too much

Splattered on April 4, 1999

Pnårp’s March, 1999 doodles & poodles

I continued my search for the Englebee Troobles

Posted for March 28, 1999

The seventeenth best day of my life

Dissipated before March 21, 1999

I took the pile of animal feces out of my garage

Electrolyzed for March 14, 1999

The stars scream at me, but why?

Conduced on March 7, 1999