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I was mad

Optimized for April 3, 2005.

I saw three pie-eating skanks going on a rampage with a new three-button mouse as I returned to America from Chechnya. I stopped in Pakistan again, thinking that I might get to see another wonderful war. On the airplane, someone painted a skull and crossbones with the name “Fwappity-Do-Da” under it on the back of my seat, then the tray table.

I was mad.

When I returned to America, I found the first person named Fwappity-Do-Da (his full name was Charlie “Fwappity-Do-Da” Witherspoonworth IV) and murdered him. Then I dug myself a cone-shaped hole in a Sears parking lot and hid there until someone else confessed to the oliphant-forsaken murder. (What does this have to do with me? Where’re my JPEGs??)

I am resolved to never look for another Trooble for my entire life. The Englebee Troobles, the Canonical Troobles, the Sutherbee Troobles, not even a Carpathian Spotted Reticulated-Overture Trooble. They have caused me nothing but an articulated, bastardized mêlée of trouble.

I returned home Saturday night to find the stars screaming and the arachnids singing yet again…