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Am I lost!? Am I low on oil!?

Hydrogenated for April 11, 1999.

Say something! Lycos!! What should I be writing!? Should I be writing something!? Does the dog know!? Does the cat know!? Do the screaming stars know?! Or the clouds!? Or my dead neighbor, Mr. Wilson!? Stop talking! Stop writing! I cannot think like this! Stop saying, “A flying pi is at your window”! I know it is there! How do you think it got there!? By crawling along the baseboards, or the rafters, or the garnering-poles?! Do you think it got there by coming in through the trash compactor!? Is there a T34 tank in my back yard!? Is there an AK-47 on my roof!?

I cannot continue like this!! Could you!? Do you know!? Do the screaming stars know?! Or the clouds!? Or my dead neighbor, Mr. Wilson!? Stop talking! ¡Cállate! Stop writing! This whole week sucked!! I cannot think like this! Am I lost!? Am I low on oil!? Is my engine going to heat up and seize up!? Will the tank explode!? Will my car!? Why am I asking you!? I should be asking the 600-year-old man sitting on the fire hydrant! I should! I will!

I keep hearing the stars scream and rant! All week!! I’m traveling to Nizhny Novgorod tomorrow, for their wonderful fairs! Help me! Am I here!? Why am I staring directly at the sun!? Now I should be looking at the seventh planet of Eta Virginis, where those aliens took my seven piles of animal feces and fifty-seven jars of urine! Yes! That is what I should be doing! I should not eat an entire roomful of potato chips!

Stop staring at me!!!