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Gormless bastard!

Located to the right of June 25, 2006.

Captain Pinnfarb is onto me! He knows I know! I know he knows I know! He’s a garden gnome, by jingo, and we all know we all know that he knows that I know that he knows that we know that I know that you know that my dog’s tail is curled in the wrong direction this morning! Ahhh!

Captain Pinnfarb is a Knib-Knob Gnome!!

And now the captain of the HMS Gormless Bastard is after me, consarn it! He drove his ship right into my bricked-up gazebo this morning, the gormless bastard! He warned me that if I call him a gnome again—and he is one!—he’d send his army of horrible, slimy, strangely erotic tentacle monsters after me! Pinnfarb is after me! Pinnfarb will try to uncurl my dog’s tail! My underdog… my Carpathian Yapping Hound! Pinnfarb, you jackanape! You guttersnout—you lollygagging dawdler! You—whack-a-doodler! Leave Yappie alone, you schmongeler! Pinnfaaaaarb!!! Ahhh, ahhh ahhhh, aaahhh, ahhh ahh ahh ahhh haaa, hoooo, ooohh hooohooohooo! Shipping and handling not included. Pinnfaaaaaaaaaaaaarb!!!

So help me, Ahura Mazda, I’ll send that upstart garden gnome back to Hell where he belongs! Back to Hell… in a Varangian handbasket! Gracie, where’s my AK-47!? It’s gnome-hunting time!!

Oooowawahh wawahh wawawahhh woowooohh!!!