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Pnårp’s docile & perfunctory page

gnomes

They wheedle and needle me to death, nattering and chattering, descending from the sky on golden parachutes, and landing behind my wainscoting! Oh, how they sing and dance! The lawn gnomes are driving me insane!

Entries mentioning gnomes

Christmas, goats, and the fiscal cliff

Goat got on December 30, 2012

Mooey, mooey, moo!

Lowed at on December 9, 2012

Horses, drugs, and some Volvos

Revolved around December 2, 2012

A parable that should explain everything

Enchanted on November 18, 2012

Ungabungabugandabunga!

Land-locked on November 11, 2012

The geese were angry

Angered before November 4, 2012

Ziti—with lines, please

Lollygagged on October 28, 2012

In my own back yard

Extirpated on September 30, 2012

Livin’ large in the large intestine

Emboweled on September 23, 2012

The September that wouldn’t be

Elided on September 2, 2012

My competitive worm charming days

Vermiculated on August 26, 2012

Upon the Fimbriated Planet

Flabbled about on August 5, 2012

And the neckties writhed

Spiraled around July 29, 2012

The ÅSS Goose from the Machine

Bageled on July 22, 2012

Here I froze and here I died

Dubstepped on July 8, 2012

A hortensical Sefernday

Hortensed on July 1, 2012

Fungous hitchhikers from outer space

Rocketed on June 24, 2012

I am the humperdumperdink!

Dumped and dinked on June 10, 2012

My skin was thinking

Considered for June 3, 2012

The death of Argo Navis

Trisected before April 29, 2012

Surviving April Fools Day

Foxholed on April 1, 2012

To order a coffee

Caffeinated on March 25, 2012

Toad rental—cheap!

Rented on March 18, 2012

Axons across beard-seconds of darkness

Stretched out February 19, 2012

Seven point one hundred

Released on February 5, 2012

Thoughts diverging from reality

Converging on January 29, 2012

Dreams in a hole in the ground

Trespassed before January 1, 2012

A journey to upper Silesia

Gruelled on December 18, 2011

A sally to the Kremlin

Red squared on December 11, 2011

A jaunt to Washington, D.C.

Filibustered on December 4, 2011

A trip to southern Moravia

Plunged off a cliff on November 27, 2011

Like a herd of turtles

Frightened on November 6, 2011

A snootful of donuts

Imbibed before October 2, 2011

A paean to panic

Glibbered about on September 25, 2011

Gnomes? In my photocopier?

Litigated before September 18, 2011

Ten years

Hijacked on September 11, 2011

The toadskin kazoo

Toads skinned on September 4, 2011

A stick of pepperoni a day

Bordured on August 21, 2011

A skeezle-wumpus? In my cabinets?

Marred on August 14, 2011

The day ended

Gibbered about on August 7, 2011

Just shaving the dog

Preened on July 31, 2011

Disgorgement and cheddar

Squassated on July 24, 2011

The harooloos grew closer

Repositioned on July 17, 2011

Impossibly shaped bowls

Whiled away before July 10, 2011

Just so he could moo at someone

Percolated on July 3, 2011

Moobly Sefernday!

Borndwiddied on June 19, 2011

What the heck… is bothering me?

Chanted on June 12, 2011

Potted meat

Unpotted on June 5, 2011

Incipits being rather popish

Lubricated on May 22, 2011

Reflecting on corn gone wrong

Paroled on May 15, 2011

Hnnnngggghhhh!

Strained on May 1, 2011

Dyssynergic defecation

Splashed down on April 24, 2011

The tight, grimacing face

Impacted before April 17, 2011

Plårp and I did our best

Potted on April 10, 2011

Cool beans

Beaned on March 27, 2011

Rotating in place

Caligulated on March 20, 2011

A dark and stormy night

Stormdrained on February 6, 2011

Requiem for a triangular briefcase

Immured on January 30, 2011

In feckless search of a new body

Transplanted before January 23, 2011

Dr. Unterguggenburgerheimer!

Diagnosed on January 9, 2011

Fluffernutter… or treacle?

Stickied on January 2, 2011

A vainglorious, hooting, tooting Christmas

Clamored about on December 26, 2010

Back to Pam & Meg’s

Goatmulched on December 12, 2010

An alabasterously magnificent find

Found before December 5, 2010

Mr. Årp goes to city hall

Carpetbagged on November 14, 2010

The frozen Pnårp

Last thing I remembered on October 24, 2010

Ollanthorpe Memorial Hospital

Atrophied before October 10, 2010

Phbthphbthphbthphbththth!

Flatulated on October 3, 2010

Parndiddle McForsterbaster

Pinned up on September 5, 2010

Tater-totting crunkfire

Clapped on… clapped off on August 22, 2010

Two stumblebums for Phillip Norbert Årp

Stumbled around on August 8, 2010

Ah, the first of August!

Firstly on August 1, 2010

Gnomes destroying my brain and kidneys

Urinated on on July 18, 2010

Boom! Boom, boom, boom!

Orbited on July 11, 2010

Technicolor horse testicles

Nuked on June 27, 2010

Psycho Chicken With Fingers On Top!

Squawked upon prior to June 13, 2010

The fleeting nuances of Dingleberry–Hampsterism

Guzzled on May 9, 2010

Thousands of Eggmen against one little Pnårp

Destalinized on May 2, 2010

I had eggs today!

Oviposited on April 18, 2010

A plan is hatched

Hatched right before April 4, 2010

Ham by the brick

Mechanically extracted on March 28, 2010

A Hilarius pair of ducks

Guffawed at after March 14, 2010

Return from the Brundlebeyond

Disgorged on March 7, 2010

Stay spooned for more!

Spooned on August 10, 2008

Into the Brundlesphere

Descended upon on August 3, 2008

Through the tunnel

Crossed over on July 27, 2008

The Brundlesphere

Entangled on July 20, 2008

Crossing the hatches

Pasteurized for June 22, 2008

Not so dead again

Recomposed right before March 2, 2008

A whole pile of flapdoodles from Shitlingthorpe

Recollected on February 17, 2008

Today is January 27

Prevaricated on January 27, 2008

Gnomes? In my kettles?

Nonsensed at January 20, 2008

Lo’ Kweeisha

Pornographed on January 13, 2008

Bubble wrap and bubble butts

Thawed on January 6, 2008

Free at last

Self-addressed and stamped on December 2, 2007

The one true goddess!

Duffeled on November 18, 2007

There’s nothing in my head!

Scuffled with on November 11, 2007

Snuffle off to Buffalo

Sniffled at on November 4, 2007

Strahazazhia smiles upon me

Gone wrong on October 28, 2007

The deep blue face of failure

Done wrong on October 21, 2007

This is Phillip Norbert Årp’s spaceship

Diseased prior to October 7, 2007

Pnårp’s in space

Station-kept on September 30, 2007

Why does the pi float?

Floated by on September 23, 2007

Why do the stars scream?

Screamed about on September 16, 2007

Under Pam & Meg’s

Delved under on September 9, 2007

Indeed I can go home again

Returned home on August 26, 2007

Dugongs abound in my ear canals!

Tiled over on August 19, 2007

Plårp!

Plopped down on July 15, 2007

Press any key

Pressed on June 24, 2007

Paisley time

Enslaved on June 17, 2007

Back to Harry’s

Ingratiated on June 10, 2007

Ol’ Grummie’s back!

Bungled up on June 3, 2007

Further visages of feet-&-toes

Hieroticalized on May 6, 2007

Sleeping in the closet

Lamented on April 22, 2007

The laws of Phillip I: Last decree

Decreed on April 15, 2007

The laws of Phillip I: Homage

Legislated on April 8, 2007

The laws of Phillip I: Taxes

Propagated on April 1, 2007

The laws of Phillip I

Promulgated on March 25, 2007

Eight years

Anniversed four days before March 11, 2007

131,072 Schmongeloid conscripts

Decimated on March 4, 2007

No one expects the Schmalkaldic League

Vanquished on February 25, 2007

Digging up the back yard

Cashed in on February 18, 2007

Shekels at the cat-canning plant

Devoted on February 11, 2007

Alyssa Milano lives!

Jury-rigged on February 4, 2007

Suing Alyssa Milano

Bombarded after January 14, 2007

Fort Flabberwocky was a myth!

Auld acquaintances forgotten on December 31, 2006

’Twas the night before Christmas

Prostituted on December 24, 2006

The Great Fluffernutter Deluge of ’58

Whored out on December 10, 2006

Jacking off Jill to a squirrel-fox-dingo

Hypothesized on November 5, 2006

Loquisha, you hornswoggler!

Added to taste on October 29, 2006

Mesothelioma in a drainage ditch

Stir-fried for October 22, 2006

Gnomelandia Day

Filleted on October 15, 2006

The Third Coming

Chopped lightly on October 8, 2006

Ollanthorpe Savings Bank

Puréed on October 1, 2006

I remembered a lot this week!

Chopped with a stick on September 24, 2006

Terrorists! Terrorists!!

Sporked with some tongs on September 17, 2006

Haldûrburðgar, Lord and Emperor

Knifed with a spoon on September 10, 2006

As kudzu crept up her ankles

Encircled on August 13, 2006

Incipient garden gnomes pouring down again

Wined & dined on August 6, 2006

New Gardegnomia

Navigated to on July 30, 2006

A disastrous pie-eating contest

Drawn and quartered on July 16, 2006

This is Phillip Norbert Årp’s ship

Appeased prior to July 2, 2006

Gormless bastard!

Located to the right of June 25, 2006

Captain Pinnfarb explains it all

Positioned left of June 18, 2006

The wall gong exhibition

Molested on June 11, 2006

A cock-up, to be sure

Erected on June 4, 2006

I thought this was better!?

Harvested before May 28, 2006

Oatmeal cookies and their spies

Weeded on May 21, 2006

Pam & Meg’s

Wheeled about on April 23, 2006

The Englebee Troobles live!

Transubstantiated on April 16, 2006

My new neighbor from Georgia

Nazified on April 2, 2006

The haberdashery, act IV

Wanted on March 26, 2006

The haberdashery, act III

Haunted on March 19, 2006

I need a new hobby

Telephoned on February 19, 2006

A pastry on both your houses!

Made peace with on February 12, 2006

Hobnobbishly bamboozled, she said

Interrupted before February 5, 2006

Schmongeling Gnomes from Westphalia?

Schmongeled under January 8, 2006

368,000 firecrackers and a butcher shop

Tarpapered over on January 1, 2006

Today being Christmas…

Made merry on December 25, 2005

The perfect symmetry of a letter

Excreted slightly before December 18, 2005

Shitlingthorpe–Alabaster Flapdoodles

Zanzibarred on December 11, 2005

Thaddeus C.L. Harshbarger, the haberdasher

Belted out on December 4, 2005

My house burned down today

Incinerated on November 20, 2005

Stewing in my own juices

Brewed on November 13, 2005

A visit to Eigentoria

Emigrated on November 6, 2005

I shall visit Eigentoria

Bandied about on October 30, 2005

The thick, meaty center of an eigenfactor

Ridiculed on October 23, 2005

Caught in a wet noodling contest

Noodled on October 16, 2005

The lawn gnomes prance!

Gingerbreaded on October 9, 2005

Saturday was the worst

Hobnobbed on October 2, 2005

The return of the garden gnomes

Star-spangled high above September 25, 2005

Abortifacient skies, the burning air

Slobbered all over on September 11, 2005

Troobles, long and hard

Deluged on August 7, 2005

Soft, and steaming lightly

Castigated on July 31, 2005

Umph… plurgh… splat!

Ingratiated on July 17, 2005

I slithered blithely out the door

Fetishized on July 3, 2005

A gaggle of garden gnomes

Engulfed on June 26, 2005

Incipient garden gnomes pouring down

Shined & enshrined on June 19, 2005