The laws of Phillip I: Last decree
Decreed on April 15, 2007.
It is hereby decreed by the sovereign Lord and Emperor Phillip I, monarch and emperor of Bouillabaissia, king of Hogwash, supreme autarch of Poppycock, protector of Alyssa Milano’s feet, Jennifer Love Hewitt’s toes, and all parts of the five Spice Girls, Schmongelslayer, protector, and pooperscooper, that the Empire of Bouillabaissia is hereby abolished and dissolved.
The title of “pooperscooper” is hereby returned to Samuel Dreckers and shall henceforth belong to him exclusively;
Jennifer Love Hewitt Lane is hereby renamed to Witherspoonworth Lane;
Spice Girls Drive is hereby renamed to Frummwich Drive;
Britney Spears Circuit is hereby renamed to Apple-Latchier Circuit;
The Alyssa Milano Footpath is hereby renamed to Bouillabaisse Boulevard;
The province of Hogwash is hereby dissolved, and the territories reincorporated into Mr. Van der Woobie’s front lawn;
The province of Poppycock is hereby dissolved, and the territories reincorporated into Mrs. Farnston’s poppy garden;
The forty-seven geese kept in the Third Pleasure Dome are hereby released and returned to the Goldfarb Avenue Zoo;
The remaining geese kept in the First and Second Pleasure Dome are hereby squirreled away for later;
The moat surrounding the First Imperial Palace is hereby ordered to be devolved to its original purpose as a sewer;
The Second Imperial Palace is hereby devolved to its original purpose as an outhouse;
The Third Imperial Palace is hereby devolved to its original purpose as a bus stop;
The remaining palaces are hereby devolved to their original purposes as cardboard boxes;
The Imperial Catacombs are hereby devolved to their original purpose as a septic tank;
The remaining four-hundred and six imperial buildings are hereby also devolved to their original purposes and owners;
All one-hundred and seventeen statues shall be moved from their current location into the basement of 229B Bouillabaisse Boulevard; and
Mr. Wilson is ordered to immediately return to his property and resume his employment at the cat-canning plant, on pain of death by cow-schtupping.
All 237,896,548,129,435 gnomes comprising the Lord and Emperor’s armies, air forces, navies, and marines, are hereby ordered to return to their underground caverns at once, on pain of death by booty-bumping.