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Insidious flobcumber pie

Perchanced upon on September 19, 2010.

While searching the entire Dark Zone and Light Universe this week for the lost city of Dyston-Fyffe, I perchanced upon the chance to eat once again one of my favorite foods: An insidious flobcumber pie. How I perchanced upon this chance I’d rather not disclose, but I will admit that it involved much oogling and boogling on my part, and even more on the part of Ravna Olegg-Thorssondóttir, my gaithful yapping hound… no, wait, Ravna’s not a dog (although she does let me put a leash on her!), that’s Yappie.

Let me back up and start again.

While searching the entire Dark Zone and Light Universe this week for the lost city of Dyston-Fyffe, I perchanced upon the chance to eat once again one of my favorite foods: An insidious flobcumber pie. How I perchanced upon this chance I’d rather not disclose, but I will admit that it involved much oogling and boogling on my part, and even more on the part of Ravna Olegg-Thorssondóttir, my delightfully sandal-footed little brown plaything… no, wait, Ravna’s not my ebony goddess, that’s Loquisha.

Let me back up and start a third time.

While searching the entire Dark Zone and Light Universe this week for the lost city of Dyston-Fyffe, I perchanced upon the chance to eat once again one of my favorite foods: An insidious flobcumber pie. How I perchanced upon this chance I’d rather not disclose, but I will admit that it involved much oogling and boogling on my part, and even more on the part of Ravna Olegg-Thorssondóttir, my deliciously slender-toed and dainty-footed goddess from one of those Icelandic cities I can’t pronounce let alone scribble out in this fine journal you currently behold.

Excellent. That’ll do nicely!

Upon procuring this insidious flobcumber pie, I immediately cut it into eight insidious little pieces, and gave one to Ravna, one to Yappie, one to myself, one to the floating pi next door, another to myself, and then the remainder to myself. The pie was truly insidious, and once I ate the first piece, before I even realized what was going on I was hooked, and had to eat a second and a third. After finishing all the pieces I had cut for myself, I stole the piece of pie back from the pi, devouring it with gusto and glee. The floating pi just sat there sullenly, sadly squeezing out its digits in an endless cycle. Even after I had gorged myself on all of those flobcumbersome slices of pie, I still wanted more: Grappling mightily with Yappie in order to reacquire his slice proved fruitless (he was a strong hound—and flobcumbers were vegetables, not fruit), so I instead chose to employ my gorilla army to repossess the last slice of pie.

That tactic succeeded splendidly, and only resulted in three casualties, none of them involving my nose whatsoever. When the gorillas demanded payment for their mercenarial servicements, I just looked at Ravna and grinned. That of course quickly resulted in me reacquiring the slice of insidious flobcumber pie that she had received, as the gorillas dragged her kicking and squealing up to the forty-seventh bedroom on the fourth floor of my palatial house, for a long night of hot and sweaty ooh-oohing and aah-aahing as only gorillas can give a girl.

“Don’t worry, love!” I shouted up the stairs. “They’ll get tired in a few hours!”

Of course, those hours proved to be about six in number, per gorilla—and there were about fifty gorillas in all residing in my kingly abode. Fortunately gorillas don’t mind sharing, so I knew it would be over much quicker than six multiplied by fifty would yield.

Ravna would thank me in the morning: At least she wasn’t addicted to insidious flobcumber pie!