My blog was in tatters
Tattered on September 6, 2026.
You want the lips and the curves, need the whips and the furs? Well, so do I.
“Esoteric phylacteries: Dogmatic sanctions of espliffous strife-patterning.” That was the subject line of the most recent spam email I received. I opened it and started reading it with much skepticism. When I learned it wasn’t trying to sell me penis pills, but instead offered to optimize my docile & perfunctory blog—to be less docile & but more perfunctory, no doubt!—I decided to reply. What could possibly go wrong?
My blog was in tatters. Pieces of it lay strewn about my computering room. Most of 1999 was gone. 2005–2006 was shredded beyond recognition (and hanging limply from the corner of my dot matrix printer). I whimpered and mewled like a big baby. I didn’t know what to do. All of 2014 had gone missing. Wait—I was in the nuthouse in 2014 so those entries had never existed in the first place.
I called up that SEO spammer and give him a piece of my mind. All he did was laugh at me and croak “No refunds!” in a voice reminiscent of an old toad—a toad who had smoked a pack of cigarettes a day for thirty-seven years. I fulminated and cursed mightily. Then I went about picking up all the docile & perfunctory pieces.
I decided to never hire an SEO spammer again.
You want the lips and the curves, need the whips and the furs? Well, so do I.