April Serious Day
Disinfatuated on April 5, 2026.
April Fools Day came and went but no one fooled me this year.
I woke up that Wednesday morning with my head on backwards again. It took two hours for me to straighten it out. But that wasn’t someone playing a trick on me. That happens every morning. Everything below my backwards head ached, too—but that wasn’t someone playing a trick on me. That was because I got run over by a school bus on Monday.
I ambled downstairs, coughed up Nurdlebutt, and proceeded to make breakfast for Becasue and I. Nurdlebutt coughed up a hairball. I gave her a plate of bacon and eggs and then sat down to breakfast. Then I realized I put the catfood on my plate by accident, but when I went to swap plates with ’Butt, she clawed my corneas out.
April Fools was shaping up to be a very serious day. A very serious day indeed.
My big puffy huzzey-muffet came downstairs then. She was mad. She started an argument about the fish I brought to bed with us last night. It was still up there, flopping around, and had stabbed the pillows with its nose. Those were Becasue’s favorite pillows. I hated them and was glad my new swordfish friend had skewered them. But Becasue forced me to release him (I named him Stabby) back into the storm drain from which I had expiscated him.
April Fools was shaping up to be a very serious day. A very serious day indeed.